my smiley-face stickered, blueberry boy {with a video}

Tuesday, July 23

I never look back on his infancy and wish for him to be little again. It surprises me, but it's true. From the moment I hear him wake-up, to the end of the day when we're rocking in the dark, our days seems to carry this profundity that reminds me of what I envisioned motherhood would be like as a child. As he's gotten older, the smallest and simplest of the everyday somehow bring empowerment where I would otherwise expect to feel exhaustion. The only real change I can seem to pinpoint is that with his progression from baby to toddler, my role is no longer solely to be a nurturer, but a shaper. A teacher, an encourager, a listener, an interpreter, a comforter, a closely watched example, and an observer of new and incredible things. And in this new age that Everett and I are figuring out together, I'm finding myself more than I ever thought I would. Honestly, it was the boggling question of my life in the first little while after Everett was born, figuring out how to be me again. Wife, mother, and woman {and allllll that means}. Those three juggling balls that only ever seemed set on letting me keep two in the air at the same time. Very gradually, but distinctly, I'm learning {still learning} to embrace what used to be overwhelming and let it empower me. And I don't even know if it's a matter of letting it, but somehow it has. There is so much joy in this moment, right now at 24-years-old with my husband and my son, and I am feeling all of it, every last drop.

Everett is exploding into a little boy these days. A bright, careful, deliberate, old man of a little boy. His language has been coming fast, almost overnight it seems. Every time he starts talking and repeating my words clear as day, right after I say them, it stops me in my tracks and I drop to put my face in front of his so that we can have a proper conversation. It just fills my heart up to the brim to finally hear what's going on in his mind! To hear how proud he is when he builds something with his blocks, proclaiming to himself a congratulatory, "OH NICE!" The blocks thing is new too. We used to have a game where I would try to build, maybe three blocks on top of each other before Everett barreled through and knocked them down. Blocks have only ever been for knocking down. Until one day he decided to sit in the sun, still in his pajamas and build a tower. One of my most fulfilling memories thus far is peeking in on my husband and my son sitting on the floor, building block cities together. I'm afraid dinner is never going to get made again with this boy turning into an almost two-year-old right before our eyes.

I haven't really gotten many of his new words on video yet. I'm always too excited to hear what he's saying to break out the camera. But every once in a while, I do just start recording him to see what he does. Observe his careful nature and the little personality quirks that make him who he is. I want to remember his careful block building, his dancing at the store, the way he quietly paces and deliciously rubs his nose, the hilarious, random moments, like when he surprises me by laying down on the staircase pretending to sleep, his deliberate puddle walking, the way his arms shoot out behind him when he runs, his tiny voice, and that LOOK. That look of looks.



LARY @InspirationNook said...

Such a cute post Sydney and what a great way to preserve those cute little memories. I'm sure when he grows old he would love watching these videos.

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