You Are A Badass. As one does when trying to recover from a serious case of doubting one’s own badassery. Or rather recover from what's felt like a giant creative rut. A slump in inspiration. With a heaping side of "look at all this creative juju blossoming around you. Like, get it together. You know you have more to give so why AREN'T you. Why CAN'T you??"
Emotionally and mentally, it was a bit of a rough winter.
So anyway, in this book, which I so highly recommend by the way, it has this short little life-changing paragraph. It says:
"All the stuff we're so worried about creating and fixated on becoming is already right here, right now. The money you want already exists; the person you want to meet is already alive; the experience you want to have is available, now; the idea for that brilliant song you want to write is here, now, waiting for you to download the information. The knowledge and insight and joy and connection and love are all wagging their hands in your face , trying to get your attention. The life you want is right here, right now. Think of it like electricity. Before the invention of the light bulb, most people weren't aware of electricity's existence. It was still here, exactly the same way it is right now, but we hadn't yet woken up to it. It took the invention of the light bulb to bring it to our attention. We had to understand how to manifest it into our reality."
So I was sitting there, thinking about this idea of manifesting, a concept which I was only vaguely familiar with. And I suddenly realized that for my entire life, I had been unknowingly manifesting the exact life that I'm living right now. Not the specifics of it necessarily. But when I was a little kid, all that I wanted in the whole world was to grow up and go to college, get my degree, marry a husband, and have some babies. And that's as far as I got! Those were all the things I wanted the very most. There is literally a journal entry about my future husband that I wrote when I was 8-years-old. I thought I was going to marry Steven Stockdale at that point, but the details are irrelevant.
Point is, that everything I set out to accomplish in my life has been done. Check! Complete. Not that parenting is done or anything, but the life that I set out to go get? I got it. And it's a dream, it's wonderful, and I'm so incredibly grateful every day for this beautiful life that I get to live with the people I love.
However, I have found myself, for a while now, with this desperate feeling down to my bones that there is more. I have more to give, more to learn, more to accomplish, and something else coming that felt like it was right at the edge of my fingertips, but for the life of me gosh dammit, I could not figure out what it was. I prayed. I prayed so hard. Please! Enlighten me! Give me something. Help me be who I'm supposed to be.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago, when I was contacted by one Taylor Hartley, a girlboss and instant friend, who was in the early stages of rebranding her company, Cove. She asked for just a few minutes over the phone to ask some interview questions and research her target client base. By this time I'd already worn her clothing, and loved it, so I was like, duh yes, I love you, let's chat. Three hours laterrrr, we eventually hung up, and I'm totally speaking for her when I say this, but we bonded. It was a click. A serendipitous click, that ended with her saying something like "I wasn't planning on asking you this, but would you ....?" And me being like, "yes!" very normally on the phone and then not being normal about anything afterwards.
So here we are. I am so completely thrilled and excited to say that I will be joining Cove on the ground floor, as their creative director, diving head first into all of it and building a beautiful brand with big goals. Taylor's strengths are my weaknesses and her weaknesses are my strengths, and it is an almost alarmingly complimentary partnership for two people who just happened to talk on the phone one day haha. Although I say that completely tongue in cheek, as I full-heartedly believe that there was nothing happenstance about it.
I am unstuck you guys. This was it. I'm jumping on a plane to China next week and to an island photoshoot after that, and my brain is on fire with inspiration. And it feels so good I want to cry. I am so grateful. Grateful to give, and to make and to learn and to do something that's scary, grateful to be brought closer in line with a more powerful version of myself.
I will of course, still be documenting here, cause there's still a lot to be said, and a lot to experience and a lot of beautiful pictures still to take. Thank you so much for being the steadfast friends that you always have been, and allowing me to be as personal or as impersonal as I've needed to be on here for all these years. Love you babes. I'm so excited to share with you what's next!