a general update on the state of our ness

Monday, March 14

We had a funny experience late last summer. It was shortly after Tyson's graduation from grad school in Austin, and by that point, the specifics of where we were going to live next had weighed heavily on our minds for the majority of a year. We hatched plans constantly. Bounced ideas off each other, weighed the pros and cons of moving to one area vs. another, and tried to feel things out to the best of our ability. We had come up with this whole plan back in 2014, essentially based on a gut feeling. It may sound crazy, but I wholeheartedly believe in making decisions big or small, based on that good ol' gut. I've found that when something feels off it usually is, and when something feels right, well, it usually is too. Even though we'd originally considered that Austin might be a place where we would settle, after spending some time there, we'd individually felt that, for whatever reason, it wasn't where we were supposed to be.

Fast forward to a month later, and I had Idaho, a place that hadn't been part of any of our original plans, on my mind constantly. This was extremely ironic and extremely befuddling, since I'll be the first one to tell you that Boise flippin' Idaho was and has always been, the last place on my list. But there it was. I'd hear Idaho in the crunch of the rocks beneath my feet and in the wind whistling by my ear. (Not literally, but literally.) The thought was pressing and strong.

This had been going on for a little while and I hadn't said anything to Tyson, because well, I didn't want to. But then one afternoon, we were sitting together in the living room of my Dad's house when Tyson put down his book and piped up, "I have to tell you something. And I don't really want to say it, because I don't know if I'm a fan of the idea, and I know that you're not, but it's constantly on my mind, so I just have to tell you."And then he told me that he was thinking about Idaho.

Long story short, we collectively said, "well shoot, ok" packed up our things and moved up here. We felt good about it. I would even say, absurdly good about it. We were close to all of his family, within easy driving distance of my family, and surrounded by the outdoors activities, land and people that we wanted our children to experience.

We still feel this way. However, after alllll of those very good things, here we are in March, and Tyson still hasn't found a job.

Yep.

Most of our belongings are still in a lonely storage unit in Virginia. To be honest I often think about them sitting there in the dark and I miss them terribly. I miss our couch. I miss our photos. I miss our favorite blankets. I miss the plants that I gave to a friend. And don't even ask me about my rocking chair, because I cry every time.

But you know what the stupid part is? I still feel good about our decision. It's true, we've been uttering a collective, kaaaaaaayyyyy? for about half a year now. But EVEN when we've been presented with opportunities elsewhere, that pesky gut feeling pops up again and tells me to stay put and hang on. Stay put and hang on. You're in the right place, just stay put and hang on.

I'll be honest and say that it's been difficult to reconcile those feelings, and still trust in them day in and day out on my own, let alone on a public forum. I've found it incredibly difficult to blog personally throughout a situation that I don't have control over. It just seems to hang in the air. Daily. A story unfinished, and a solution unknown. So I haven't come here with it until now. But I serendipitously met a new friend the other day, and over the course of our conversation, she unknowingly gave me the exact pep talk I needed to hear. She said, "I've been there. You think your life is supposed to follow this timeline, because everyone else's life seems to be. But it doesn't work like that. No one's life does. I had to let go of my own timeline and my expectations for it. I took care of the things that were in my control, and for the things that weren't, I just had to let my life be what it was going to be." And for whatever reason, that made talking about it a little easier.

It must be said, that even in the middle of this unexpected detour in our lives, we have very little to complain about. We've been surrounded by the support of family, Tyson's parents have generously let us invade their space, and various opportunities have allowed me to provide for our needs. My sister even moved here a few months ago. (10 minutes down the road, of all places!!!) It's honestly been blessing after blessing and we're truly grateful for the happiness and light that's filled our lives these last several months. 


Crossing our fingers for good news this week, as we do every week. But if not, we'll be over here soaking up alllllll the family time. So much family time you guys.

15 comments:

Natalie said...

I kid you not, Sydney, this is EXACTLY my life right now, except Me and the fam are in Utah living with my parents and all my belongings in Arizona. Every word in your post has me nodding my head like, "Yep. Yep. Yep." It's been about six months and I've had an okay attitude for the most part but it's been hard the last three weeks. Thank you for your post and know that you're not going at this alone. <3

Carey King said...

The strangest thing about blogging is how you can feel like you totally understand how someone you've never met and probably never will meet is feeling.. We're staying with my parents at the moment because we made a decision last year to move cities and now our home is sold and we're in the 7 week count down till we move.. My husband quit his secure job and has like 10 work days left there and we are opening our own business, in a new city, moving the day after my sons first birthday... It seems crazy to give up all our security but we also just know this is the right time and we're riding on faith at the moment.. Anyway, God provides in the right time that's all I keep trying to remind myself - I hope everything starts to fall into place for you guys and for peace in the mean time.xx

Anonymous said...

It's funny how when you go through these situations you feel totally alone and it's always amazing to later realize how normal it is! I recently just completed my bachelors degree and I had what you call a timeline mapped out for myself. I was going to buy a home right away start traveling, getting married and start a family. But all of that is really difficult to do when you don't have a job yet that you spent 4 years working towards. I had a friend recently tell me to simply just enjoy the transition period and this awkward stage of life where your career hasn't begun and you still live in your parents basement. But to be quite honest it's hard! It's hard to appreciate this stage when sometimes you just feel just so stuck. Thanks for sharing your story and cheers to enjoying and loving every moment of this awkward stage in our lives.

K Butz said...

Keep your head up! Boise is a place full of good vibes and great people. I've never once regretted the decision to raise our family here, and I think your gut knows the same. Fingers crossed that Tyson finds a job soon!

geri e. said...

How ever uncomfortable it made you to share this, I hope you know it's what I (and I suspect many other peeps) needed to hear. It's interesting how this social media world helps us share ourselves, as it also helps us analyze ourselves and where we are in our lives... even compare ourselves to where others are in theirs.
I love love love what your new friend said. Preach, new friend, Preach!

jamie @ [kreyv] said...

I often ask my self how many times am I going to have to learn the lesson that not everything is going to go according to MY plan! I have felt this very way as my husband was finishing his training, and that perfect job or the perfect location wasn't there. But, things happen to get us to where we need to be, and everything all works out in the end. If it doesn't work out, then it's not the end, right?!

I actually have a couple of friends in the Boise area. What kind of work is Tyson looking for??

Krista P. said...

"You think your life is supposed to follow this timeline, because everyone else's life seems to be. But it doesn't work like that. No one's life does. I had to let go of my own timeline and my expectations for it. I took care of the things that were in my control, and for the things that weren't, I just had to let my life be what it was going to be." Thank you, friend of Sydney's, for saying those powerful words. I've been dealing with this for years. I put too much pressure on myself and look to much to the future instead of living in the now. I start to freak out because I don't have a ring on my finger yet or babies or my own home like everyone else. I just have to control what I can now, and whatever will be will be. Thank you for this inspiring post, Sydney!

Johanna O said...

Good luck to you lady! It's hard to be in that limbo space, I totally understand. Thank you for sharing your story, I know it helps me to find out that others aren't experiencing everything just as perfectly as it's sometimes portrayed. I'm glad you've been able to help out the family though! Your blog has great content, so hopefully that is helping too.

Good luck!!!

Kelsey Bushong said...

Man, I loved in Boise for 8 months. That's it. I was pregnant the whole time, no friends, just wandering about while my husband worked. And I hated it. I loved parts of it, but it drove me crazy for some reason (we moved from Portland). And as soon as we got the go ahead to go back to Portland I was all, "Yaaaassss!!!". But, now my husband and I look at each other every couple of months and go "Don't you miss Boise a bit?" And we agree. We miss it. When you posted about going to Goldie's i was nostalgic as all hell. And that's all I've got to say about that :) Also, their farmers market downtown pretty much makes me the happiest!

kate said...

This was super inspiring, brave, and beautifully written. Thanks so much, Sydney.

TC said...

Thanks for sharing this, truly. My husband and I moved out of San Francisco a year and a half ago to move closer to my family in a small city in Washington state. My husband has yet to find a full time job. He's had two contract positions, but both ended. It's been quite the roller coaster of emotions, but deep down I still feel like it was the right decision, so I'm just trying to hold on to see what the next day brings. Best of luck to you.

Kendra Castillo said...

Thank you so much for sharing your journey, you are not alone. My husband and I decided to go back to school and a year ago we both finished up. We knew that the state we called home for 4 years wasn't the place we were supposed to stay in. So we followed our gut which said to "be with family" who both live in 2 diff states. We packed up and moved trusting that we would find jobs, etc. But a year later the struggle has been deep and hard. My husband still hasn't found a job and we have been bouncing between states staying with our parents. Life is funny, it has been crazy hard but so rewarding and full of some great joys. I hope the best for you and your family!!

pepperlovin said...

Sounds so ridiculously familiar. We moved because we felt like it was the right decision. Only the find out the partner is a certified crazy. My hubs is seriously shutting down. I suggested we move "home" and we both felt relief. Only to fast and pray and I felt like we needed to to 'hold on and be patient' I reluctantly asked the hubs what he thought. (hoping for a different answer so i could pull the follow your hubs card) same answer. ugh. Im like soooo what time frame are we talking here. heaven time or earth cuz i know you've been trying to 'teach' me patience for years and still not working. how about you just give me patience. Hang in there. it will work out. I know its the worst feeling of unknown. but you got this

Anonymous said...

Sydney,

Thank you so much for posting this, if for no other reason than I have been following along here since 2010 and like to know how you and your brood are doing and what you're up to. Can I tell you that I feel you!? Following my husband's graduation, after a million discussions of where we should go and what sort of life we wanted and what sort of adventure to jump into and--oh--the pro and con lists. We decided to jump into something that felt completely right, though we couldn't explain it. Just a gut feeling. We decided we were moving in the wee hours of a Friday morning, and that afternoon an engineering firm called from that town with a job offer. By Monday we had moved. I mean. It *had* to be the right decision when it all worked out. We were so excited and for a little while, we loved it. But then it started to feel like we had made a very bad decision. By the six month mark, we couldn't do it anymore. It had felt like the right decision and I trusted the gut matter of it all, but we were miserable. And I had so many nights where I was asking WHY we were there. WHY my gut had told us to. The ONLY thing that was going well was that my husband was at his dream job. So, at that six month marker, essentially, my husband went to his boss and explained his situation, even though we both were extremely sad to have him quit this job that treated him so well and was so respectful and exactly what he had wanted to do. He explained how we were unable to get ahead in this city with such a high cost of living, reasons we needed to move closer to family, etc. And his boss understood. And now he has his same job but he works from home from the farm we are building near my parents. Which, you know, is like, REALLY our dream. And none of it would be working out this way if we hadn't blindly, stupidly, followed our gut and then stayed miserable for a while questioning what the whole point of it was and looking for answers, stubbornly determined to figure out the answers. So. This is a really long paragraph and probably overly-personal. But. Hang in there. I really believe in gut instincts. And you are exactly where you need to be. It'll all come around eventually and make sense. Good luck, my dear.

-Jo Farmer

Karen L said...

I so appreciate your honesty in the post, but mostly your faith. That's what I got out of it. You are patiently waiting because you trust in that feeling that this is the right thing for your family. And I'm sure you know that your faith is going to be tested and THEN come the blessings. I have been (im)patiently waiting on a particular job outcome for several months now and in my heart (or gut) I know that it will happen but I haven't gotten anything solidified yet and it can make you crazy some days. You have given me strength to keep waiting because I know- like you do- that this is right for our family and it will happen at the right time. Hang in there and don't doubt your feelings... great things are yet to come!

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