hindsight

Tuesday, May 12

IMG_1033IMG_1045IMG_1086IMG_1015
Shoes: F21, Skirt: Urban Outfitters, Tee: F21, Necklace: Samantha Wills,Sunglasses: Target

I was just thinking today, about how nice hindsight is. How nice it is to get to look back on something, and tell the story of it. Hindsight has a beginning and a middle and an end. And in my experience, most of the time, the ending sounds something like, "it worked out." Or at the very least, "it didn't kill us." The summer after we were married, for example, was a complete crap shoot. Tyson had accepted a job down in Phoenix that had a start date set for three days after our wedding. We loaded our things (what things) into the back of our small silver car and drove straight to Vegas and then on to Phoenix. We were there for exactly two weeks. I remember receiving a package in our brand new, yet very empty apartment, and having to pause when I was writing out my signature, slowly and deliberately feeling out the cursive of my new last name. A girl who was observing me, though I can't remember why she was there, asked me how long I'd been married. "Just 4 days.", I replied. She looked at me incredulously and asked, "What are you DOING here???" Nothing felt right about those weeks. Tyson would head to work for a long, hot day in the sun and I would hang out with this strange new club I was suddenly a part of. Just one of the wives. We would go to the pool, or a large nearby mall, where we'd walk by Victoria's Secret and they'd tell me things like, "Lingerie is overrated, don't even bother."

We decided after those two weeks, that the whole thing wasn't really our jam, and decided instead (after a very generous and kind invite), to drive to Seattle, move in with Tyson's sister and her husband, and just find jobs when we got there. The drive up the pacific coast highway was our sort of honeymoon. On one night, we stopped at a hotel that had a pink tub in the middle of the room (awesome), and I remember it feeling like a splurge to stay there, but it had a great view of the ocean and we loved it.

That summer, we both worked two jobs. Tyson's first job started at 4 in the morning. Mine started at 7 or 8. We'd finish those up and then meet back together in the late afternoon for our second job, which was knocking doors, taking political surveys. Most of the time we were pretty diligent about getting our neighborhoods completed, but sometimes, after a particularly long week, we'd spend the last 10 minutes of our shift back in our car, talking about what movie we wanted to see, and playing solitaire on our palm pilots (that's right I said palm pilots).

That summer was a rough and shaky go at starting our life together. Though we were incredibly grateful to his sister for saving our butts, sharing a two bedroom apartment with another couple three weeks after you're married was ... I don't want to say stupid ... but maybe stupid.

We made it though. Every summer after that was a total dream comparatively. And the hindsight that kicked in eventually, wrapped that summer up into a nice neat little story, with a beginning, a middle and an end that sounded something like, "it worked out." And, "it didn't kill us."

Now, seven years later, as Tyson finishes up his last few weeks of school, we're at the part where I'm jealous of my future self and the hindsight she'll someday have about this very moment in our lives. I'm jealous of her nonchalant and almost flippant, "hey, it worked out" that she'll throw around a few years from now. I wish I could time travel for real. But I've always done this to myself. I have always and forever lived for the future. Lived for the plan. "The plan." And so has Tyson. Until he, in a moment when everything inside of him yelled, DO IT, THIS IS RIGHT, dropped what he was doing and enrolled in the program that he's now about to graduate from. And remarkably (or I guess not so remarkably), everything still feels just as right as the day he did that.

It's hard to write about something when you're right in the middle of it. It's not a story yet, and you have no idea what the ending is going to look like. But so far, the beginning feels promising and exciting. And also, this particular beginning includes us living together as a family again. So. The hindsight potential on this story so far, is looking pretty good.

49 comments:

Billie Jane said...

This is beautiful and I love it.

I love those moments when you just think about things and you just write.
You have such a good, solid, and comforting voice in the way you write Sydney.

I know your life is crazy at the moment, and these posts are sporadic, but they are always just what someone needed to hear and always so so good.

Keep on keepin' on Mama. You're doing it so well.

xo

Amy @ the tide that left said...

This is just what I needed to read right now. My husband and I have just moved back to the UK from Tanzania after 6 years abroad so that he can start an MBA later this summer. For now we're staying with my MIL, trying to help our 9 month old develop and find freedom without infringing on other people who call this their permanent home. We're waiting for this to all smooth out so that in July we can start fresh. I'm looking forward to looking back and knowing we made it through.

Mildly Moody said...

Great look! So simple, but so chic!

Ps- I just started a new blog. It's called Mildly Moody and its aimed towards female entrepreneurs and career IT girls. Perhaps you can take a look when you get a chance?
Now following you!
Xoxo, Cori

www.mildlymoody.wordpress.com

Daisy Harvey said...

Love reading your posts, they're so inspiring and honest.

Plus, I really love that outfit!!

http://en.emoi-emoi.com/blog/

petitepea2011 said...

Well said! I especially like to look back in the middle of a story. Makes it interesting to see what decisions affect the outcome :)


ohhellojo.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Glad to have you back :)

Anonymous said...

And it will be okay.

Lindsay Haws said...

I loved this. In the middle of husband's med school right now two thousand miles away from family and with three babies. I'm hoping the end of this life chapter turns out REALLY great, haha. We always think we can do anything with faith and hard work but this middle part always leaves a little room for anticipation and fear and we have that struggle before the end.

sarah said...

I feel like you're speaking right to me! I graduate from a master's program next week, am currently crashing at my parents' because I have $12 to my name, and made the decision yesterday to move from the northeast, where I grew up, went to school, and where my family is, to Georgia, where my boyfriend of 5+ years got a real person job last summer -- the same way that I knew the moment I saw him all those years ago that I needed to meet him, I KNOW that we need to (finally! Thanks, grad school and jobs and everything else) be together. I cashed in gift certificates to fund my one-way ticket down south and for the first time in weeks, despite having less money than ever and my loan repayment deadline fast approaching, I was able to sleep easily and without panicking about what the future holds. I have no idea how this will work out, but I've never known anyone as supportive or sweet or funny or understanding as him and I just know that whatever happens, I'll be happy and cared for. Reading your post, about how messy and uncertain and imperfect just starting out is really resonated, thank you!

Jazmin Del Castillo said...

Thank you for being so real. You're an inspiration and an amazing role model, for me. I love reading your posts and seeing your pictures. They are always dreamy! You're great. And I hope one day I can be half the woman you are!

You Rock Sydney!

Anonymous said...

When I was in "the middle" of something pretty terrible my therapist described it as trying to hang a picture by yourself and determining whether it's straight or not -- you're too close to the situation to get clear view of how things really are. As someone who also lives for the future, these words you wrote today are so comforting and appreciated. I love that you're writing again and I hope you keep at it because you're truly talented!

Nikki said...

Thank you for this. You are so right! I've been keeping an occasional journal and the other day I read back to something about "do now, because the stars will never align". But they do, in the end, you just have to start to see. Somehow I ended up in North Dakota starting a business with my Husband in boomtown. I'm in the middle and so ready for the end...

Laura Trigg said...

Sydney. Your writing is lovely and I look forward to your rare posts. Two posts in one week? It's like fricking Christmas.

As someone who has also lived for the future (my husband spent two years in the UK for law school!), I found your words really resonating with me.

Good luck with your last few weeks and be strong! Also, I look forward to the post you write when you've emerged from the other side :)

Nikki said...

love this post! so honest and heartfelt!

xx nikki

www.dream-in-neon.com

Rachel | Austin Style Blogger said...

I swear, you need to write for a magazine (or write your own book!) :)

Shauna said...

Hang in there! it's okay to just survive. :)

Mandy Jacks said...

I'm in the middle of a story that I know will not kill me and will probably work out fine. But in the middle of it, it feels awful. Somehow, this post was just what I needed to read today. I'm hanging on to the hindsight I will eventually have.

Southern Elle said...

NMy husband and I started out like that kind of too. Our honeymoon was driving from San Diego to New Orleans.. That's right through Texas in my old car with no AC, in July. Then we got to NOLA and had to find a place. That first two weeks was more crazy and more daring than probably anything I'd ever done. And we spent two years there with him in grad school, me hating my job. I found your blog back then, and complained way more than I should about that Southern heat and those partying people. But my son was born in those two years. And now my heart aches for it. Different than your story, but reminded me how we laugh when we tell our honeymoon story. We made it, we survived, we even remember it fondly. I really romanticize that time. Very happy for you that you'll be living under one roof again. You've handled this beautifully. Sorry for the novel, the post struck a chord.

Natali said...

Fantastic skirt and wedges, you look so stylish in this casual and minimalistic outfit!

http://lartoffashion.com

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure I had that outfit in 1997 (and loved it). Wrap skirt, platform clog sandals. I should have kept everything I wore in college!!!

Britt said...

I needed this today! My husband left for a job two days after week were married and then we only saw each other two times in the 8 months that followed. Now we've almost been married for a year but it still feels like we're getting to know each other (again). We always say we seem to do things the hard way but that it'll be worth it in the end. He's leaving again in a couple of months and I cannot wait for the hindsight to kick in.

Kayla @ Sealed With a Kay said...

You're such a wonderful writer Sydney! I always look forward to your perspective on things and they way you write about them.

Katherine said...

Thanks for sharing this. I'm definitely in the middle of some very hard things and there's no end in sight. I came across your post and I've been reassured that yes, it's hard but it's okay. It will work out or it won't kill you or both. Even if it doesn't work out the way you wanted, it will still work itself out. I'm really grateful for your example in my life Sydney. It's always great when you post.

Paige Cassandra Flamm said...

I could serially read your writing all day long! You always have such an amazing perspective on everything! I really admire you!

Paige

http://thehappyflammily.com

Anna D Kart said...

You should really write a book girl! No, seriously, I'd buy it in a moment lol

Happy Medley

Lindsay Merrill said...

It's so good to read this. :) My husband and I are both trying to finish our masters degrees right now... at the same time... with a 7 month old baby. We're both defending our theses in the next 40 days and life is crazy... a baby who doesn't sleep, lots of finally getting to bed at 4 am... and it's nuts... but we felt like it was right. One of those "IT'S RIGHT. DO IT RIGHT NOW" moments. It's nice to know we'll look back on it, if not very fondly, at least saying "it didn't kill us." :)

Isabell said...

Wow. This is probably my favourite post that you have ever written. Except for the previous one. The writing is superb, and heartfelt, and I hope you will continue these post, as they make at least my life better, and the world seem smaller when you can relate to other. All the best!

Justine said...

Oh man, my husband and I live for "the plan" too. It's SO hard not to, in this world that forces us to plan so far ahead. In Grade 8, you're expected to know what career you want; once you get a job, you're supposed to start saving for retirement; as soon as you get married, you need to start saving for a house and people are already asking you how many kids you want.

I think it teaches us to not enjoy the journey, only look forward to the destination (and to want to get there NOW). So we spend our whole lives thinking "it'll get better when..." and before you know it half your life will be gone and you'll start to wonder if you've been happy yet.

Good on you for looking back and remembering the good parts of hard times. It's a skill that we all need to take more time to develop! Thank you for the reminder to do that - I really needed it!

BeatriceBalaj said...

So cute! Love those colors on you. :)

Elisabeth Klassen said...

Thanks so much for sharing this. My fiance and I are both individually chasing our dreams and also building a life together. Love your outfit by the way.

Diary of Elegance
http://diaryofelegance.blogspot.ca/

Alexa Justesen said...

I'm so happy you're still writing. You've got a way with words, babe.

Lauren Marie said...

I loved this. I have always been about 'The Plan' and I've always been about 'The story' and hindsight. I love being able to tell a story of our misadventures.

My husband is 3 days to the end of his 4th year of lawschool, 6 weeks until the birth of our first child, then he starts a 5th year of school while working a full time job. It seems like this period of school will never end, but I know that this time next year, I will be holding our 1 year old and looking back on our beginning, middle and end of this period. WE. CAN. DO IT!

www.laviedehart.blogspot.com

esb said...

I feel weird writing this because I don't know you, but I've been following your blog for years. When I read about the two babies and upcoming separation, I felt anxiety for you, and weirdly, perhaps, put y'all in my prayers. I've been married a pretty long time (22 years!?) anyway enough to know there is most definitely that hindsight your write about. Wishing you all patience, peace and hindsight, the tough times will pass. Also? Thank you for your lovely blog.

Danielle Warren said...

As always, beautifully written. I have missed your post. My story is also in a limbo, waiting for its end. Eveytime I think or plan about our next beginning, I get uber depressed because we aren't there yet. One day it will happen lol Hindsight

David said...

I love you so much Sydney! You have such an amazing gift for telling a story that makes me feel like I'm there. Still think you should write a book. Yep you're pretty much amazing. So glad my son had the good sense to marry you! Smartest thing he ever did!

Prudence Yeo said...

I really enjoy reading your story and for me, it is a reflection of how love and support between a couple can help overcome all odds! Love your casual chic style by the way, you look great!

Prudence
www.prudencepetitestyle.com

Wairimu Murigi said...

How you play with words so well excites me. The ending will be, '' we made it''
http://wairimumurigi.blogspot.com

Sonjoy Pal said...

This post is very useful for us. Because we have a lot of
tips and tricks from this post. Thank you for this amazing post share. I many
tips about online dating best as well. If you want to know more about a unlock her legs best online dating sites, please visit our website.

www.unlockherlegsdownload.com

Katie Sparrow said...

Oh Sydney it must be so hard. Gosh, those days I had with my two littlest (now 4 and 6, 22mths apart) at home while my husband worked long days - bright and shiny though many moments were, those days were a slog. And to think you do whole weeks of it! You must be so looking forward to him coming home. I wish you and your family all the best. You've earnt it. x

Bethany Toth said...

You are a fantastic writer! Pleeeease keep writing.

My husband and I are currently in the trenches of schooling, and it is nice to think that someday I will feel that way too! Thanks for this.

Samantha said...

You've lived all over the place! For someone who's never really left her hometown, that seems fascinating.

I remember when you posted about Tyson's decision to enroll in the program and how bittersweet it would be to spend such a long time apart. But you're here now! Congrats! :)

Rocky Mountain Decals said...

"Forgive yourself for not having the foresite to know what now seems so obvious in hindsite." Another beautiful post Sydney, keep smiling!

Rocky Mountain Decals – Baby, Kids & Home Wall Decals
http://www.etsy.com/shop/rockymountaindecals

mybeautrip .com said...

Great story!

xx

www.mybeautrip.com

Julie Binger said...

I love the way you write!

It reminds me of all the tough times my husband and I have had to go through and it makes me think the same "we did it" and "it didn't kill us". Lol I follow a vlogger whose Dad would say "We're just making memories" during tough times. I've adapted that quote into my vernacular and pull it out when the going gets rough. Because I know we will look back on the moment and know it was a only small snafu during our lifetime.

Rachel said...

your blog is seriously the best I've ever read. so on point and so well written. inspiring

kellyhicks said...

Beautifully written. What is your husband going to school for? Do you know where you are going to live now? One step at a time I'm sure! Good luck!

Nikita Jain said...

looking gorgeous, nice shades
http://indiansareehub.weebly.com/

Dara McFarlane said...

i'm sitting here literally speechless. your words were just what i needed to read tonight. thank you for sharing them. :)

Tapon Roy said...

At first I want to thank you. because this post is very nice and helpful for us.thanks for sharing this awesome post.we know many tips and tricks on here. I have a website on best eye cream. which is related to this post.I you need more information then please visit our website.

http://www.amazon.com/VIIcode-Puffiness-Wrinkles-Circles-Treatment/dp/B00W0TJ1SG

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
 

© the daybook All rights reserved . Design by Blog Milk Powered by Blogger