Wednesday, May 30

 beautiful photos by Ingrid Damiani
I will admit, I used to be one of those people who rolled their eyes at the response, "oh I do yoga" to questions about staying in shape. Yea I bet you do yoga, fancypants. It seemed so obscure to me: meditation ... centering yourself. What does that even mean anyway? My brain doesn't have a center, man, it has a ropes course. But regardless, I did it. I started taking a yoga class, and right now this former scoffer is learning. Learning to be stronger, to balance my body, to be a little more flexible, and to breathe. And I love that Thursday morning hour. There's something really beautiful about pushing your body that hard, yet remaining that peaceful at the same time. And that 5 minutes of quiet, dark nothing at the end ... I live for. The ability to simply exist and just be is such a foreign concept to me. And I think one of these days I might get the hang of it without falling asleep first. But until then, namaste. And may I one day be as awesome as the people in those pictures up there.

today was a good day

Tuesday, May 29

It's raining outside right now. A warm, heavy, summer rain. So refreshing after the 90 degree heat wave we've been having around here. Everett and I opened our front door and watched together in fascination as it came pouring down onto our darkening street. I love watching him watch things. I also love his eyelashes. And the way it takes him 15 seconds to fall asleep on my chest.

our memorial day

We spent our Memorial Day with some friends over in Harper's Ferry, West Virginia, picnicking, enjoying/coveting ice cream cones, swimming through a remarkable-in-a-bad-way humidity index, and adding river tubing to our summer bucket list. But really anything that requires pantslessness is automatically on the list, so that's just redundant.

We're so grateful for those men and women who have served and are serving this great country, allowing us to enjoy the safety and freedoms that we do. And especially to my sister, Jillyan and my father-in-law Dave who are both serving in the Army ... we love you, and thank you.

Also, we'd like to thank the universe for the day off. Lives were saved that day. Two cranky and tired ones in particular.

happy saturday! here's something to make you cry

Saturday, May 26

amazing. thanks for the link Anna!

this would be the midnight talking

Thursday, May 24

My eyes feel strained, staring at this bright screen in my dark house. I was just upstairs checking on my sleeping Everett, who's now breathing deeply with his arms sprawled out and relaxed over his head. A relief to see after the valiant effort he put towards doing anything but that tonight. I know that in the morning, I'll wake refreshed and renewed, completely forgetting how lonely a quiet house can make you feel while you pathetically stare at your computer screen in the middle of night. Yes, I know it will all feel brighter tomorrow. But at about 5:00pm today, I put on my "I'm all done" hat, and it still hasn't come off yet.

I won't go into a lot of detail, because honestly I don't trust my description of reality at this hour, but this week hasn't been the easiest. It hasn't been all bad either. But when your husband doesn't get home from work until 3am every day and then leaves again at 7, that little taste of single parenthood can sometimes make poking out your eyeballs feel like an appropriate reaction. {Gosh, I love that guy though. Sometimes I really can't believe how hard he works for us}

So in light of all this hullabaloo, I would just like to take tonight's little moment of self-pity, and frustration, and just plain old worn out, and trade it in for a 'hats off' moment to single mothers. In all their forms. Even if it's just for a week at a time. So HATS FREAKIN' OFF to you. You are kings of the hill and the cherries on top in my book. I respect you like crazy. Thank you for doing what you do every day. And however it is that you're making it work, you're doing such a good job.

this new thing that I love

Wednesday, May 23

These days, when Everett wakes up and wants me to wake up too {a lot of times I'm already awake, but my eyelids just don't give a crap}, he'll push himself up on his arms and tip his head to the side so that his cheek is resting on my chest. And then, once that squishy cheek is nice and comfortable, he'll look up at me and growl. Growl!
Have you ever been growled awake? By a little squishy with huge eyes?

I will tell you, it's an experience that is pretty much never getting one-upped by anything.

Geri and Jason

Tuesday, May 22

This beautiful couple right here is Geri and Jason. {Geri is the talented one who did this pretty maternity shoot for us!} They're our good friends from the college days and we miss them a bunch. In fact, there's nothing I'd like more than to give them both a big squeeze right now. Jason has Cystic Fibrosis. And it's pretty severe. His lungs have deteriorated to the point that he is in need of a double lung transplant as soon as possible. Staggeringly, between the pre-op and post-op expenses, this can cost over 1 million dollars. Just makes my heart drop.
They've set up a website called Team Jason, where you can go to learn more about Jason, Cystic Fibrosis, and donate if you wish. If anything, keep them in your prayers. They're pretty incredible.

warm weather maxi skirts

I'm kind of addicted to the things. Click HERE to see my three favorite maxi skirts right now.

P.S. For those who have mentioned that you don't think you can wear maxi skirts because you're on the shorter side ... I'm not an expert, but I think you'd probably look smashing in them. I'm only 5'3.

the madewell event in 8

1 :: I had so much fun during the party that I didn't get any pictures until it was over. Which is a real bummer since the braid station, in all of its fishtail glory, deserved a shot or two. {I still consider a reverse braid to be super-advanced material so I was impressed}

2 :: My friend Lauren and I unintentionally showed up wearing matching shirts. I would say great minds think alike, but honestly my large dirty laundry pile decided my ensemble that night. Procrastination for the win. {Or lose. Depending on if we're pretending that matching is cool or not.}

3 :: Next time future life paths are being handed out, I'll take the one where I'm a DJ please. I mean honestly, could you BE cooler.

4 :: I'm pretty sure that Everett could have been my replacement at the party and no one would have minded one bit. You are so loved my little one.

5 :: My shoes were complete jerks.

6 :: At one point, I did in fact shake hands with someone with a wrapped taffy stuck to my palm. These are the secrets to success and professionalism.
7 :: YOU are just so wonderful and it was so great to meet and talk with all of you who came.

8 :: And to the lovely Madewell ladies who put it all together, your pinterest-ing knows no bounds. It looked beautiful.

happy birthday dad, we made a little video for you

Monday, May 21

Talking to a camera is as weird as ever, but you get the idea. Love you dad! Happy Birthday.

last friday afternoon

Friday, May 18

It was so fun to get together with Naomi and Eleanor last Friday for a picnic lunch in the park. Little Eleanor was so sweet with Everett and kept taking his hands, trying to figure out why he wouldn't stand up and come explore with her around the park! I tell you what ... watching little babes interact with each other, especially when one of them is your own, just makes your heart go boom. We loved it. Those two ladies make for pretty darn good company on a picnic blanket.

thank you

I just wanted to quickly say how touched I was at the response from Wednesday's post. Thank you so much for sharing your stories and genuine heartfelt warmth with me. It really does mean the world.
Even through all this, keeping our family close and strong is still the most important thing to all of us, and for that I know we're very lucky. So anyway, thank you again for allowing me to share my small and vulnerable moment with you. I felt your sweetness and love and I just think you're pretty darn wonderful.

one thing I'm afraid to tell you

Wednesday, May 16

As of this Monday, my parents are no longer married.
They're divorced.

I knew it was going to happen. But it's still a new and strange and sad thing to admit out loud. During the year that their separation was transpiring, I didn't really talk about it with anyone. Of course I talked about it with my family, but even when I did, I distanced myself from feeling anything towards it. I remained impassive. No opinions one way or the other. I don't think I did it consciously, it's just how I was. To me, it didn't feel sad, it felt inevitable. Logically, I knew it was for the best. Logically, I still know it's for the best.

On Monday, the day that the divorce went through, I didn't feel any differently. I skyped my mom in the morning, texted and talked to my sisters in the afternoon. And it was just ... normal. Nothing had REALLY changed after all. My dad was still living in one place, and my mom in another.
Then that evening, I ventured out to Panera to grab some dinner to-go. As I walked in, I vaguely recall thinking about an item that I'd left at the doctor's office earlier. So it caught me completely off guard when out of nowhere, not two steps past the door, it hit me like a ton of bricks, sharp and quick.


I felt my breathing quicken and my throat constrict, fighting with all its might to not make a scene.  I quickly turned on my heel and shoved through the doors, not doing a very good job of hiding my face screwed up with tears. {I'm sure to the other customers in the parking lot, it looked like I was very disappointed they weren't serving black bean soup that day} As soon as I was in the safety and privacy of my car, it all came bursting out of me. Unrestricted, exhaustive, stuttered breath, sobbing.

For all the impassivity I had experienced the past year, it felt very strange and very sudden and very overwhelming. It was selfish sadness. I wasn't crying for the heartbreak I know my parents went though {and are still going through}, or for my younger siblings who I know have taken this harder than I have. I was crying because my mommy mom and my daddy dad who I love dearly, weren't married to each other anymore.

I didn't really know what to do with all the emotion. Sad is such a tiny word for such a deep feeling. So I group texted my family. And when my dad responded, I called him. We had a good cry together in the Panera parking lot {funnily enough, he was sitting in one too} and it was raining and cliche and horrible and needed and good.

Since then, I've felt pretty normal. I really am just fine. I don't mean for this to be a sob story. It was one small moment. And I know that I am not a special case. I also know that it's for the best. The divorce is very amicable, we're still a family and we're all going to be OK.

But even knowing that, sometimes it's OK to be sad too. And I need to remember that.

a beautiful boy

Tuesday, May 15

When Everett goes down for a nap, I usually don't lay down with him. Mostly because that responsible voice in my head {though lately, it's really sounded more like a guilt-trip voice} reminds me of all the things I could be accomplishing during that precious hour. 
But today I did. I took a nap with my sleepy boy and when he woke up, we played. Just us and the sheets and my toes. And I really really loved it.

P.S. I'm fully aware that no one but me wants to look at this many pictures of my baby. But too bad. ;)
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