one thing I'm afraid to tell you

Wednesday, May 16

As of this Monday, my parents are no longer married.
Divorced.
They're divorced.

I knew it was going to happen. But it's still a new and strange and sad thing to admit out loud. During the year that their separation was transpiring, I didn't really talk about it with anyone. Of course I talked about it with my family, but even when I did, I distanced myself from feeling anything towards it. I remained impassive. No opinions one way or the other. I don't think I did it consciously, it's just how I was. To me, it didn't feel sad, it felt inevitable. Logically, I knew it was for the best. Logically, I still know it's for the best.

On Monday, the day that the divorce went through, I didn't feel any differently. I skyped my mom in the morning, texted and talked to my sisters in the afternoon. And it was just ... normal. Nothing had REALLY changed after all. My dad was still living in one place, and my mom in another.
Then that evening, I ventured out to Panera to grab some dinner to-go. As I walked in, I vaguely recall thinking about an item that I'd left at the doctor's office earlier. So it caught me completely off guard when out of nowhere, not two steps past the door, it hit me like a ton of bricks, sharp and quick.

Sadness.

I felt my breathing quicken and my throat constrict, fighting with all its might to not make a scene.  I quickly turned on my heel and shoved through the doors, not doing a very good job of hiding my face screwed up with tears. {I'm sure to the other customers in the parking lot, it looked like I was very disappointed they weren't serving black bean soup that day} As soon as I was in the safety and privacy of my car, it all came bursting out of me. Unrestricted, exhaustive, stuttered breath, sobbing.

For all the impassivity I had experienced the past year, it felt very strange and very sudden and very overwhelming. It was selfish sadness. I wasn't crying for the heartbreak I know my parents went though {and are still going through}, or for my younger siblings who I know have taken this harder than I have. I was crying because my mommy mom and my daddy dad who I love dearly, weren't married to each other anymore.

I didn't really know what to do with all the emotion. Sad is such a tiny word for such a deep feeling. So I group texted my family. And when my dad responded, I called him. We had a good cry together in the Panera parking lot {funnily enough, he was sitting in one too} and it was raining and cliche and horrible and needed and good.

Since then, I've felt pretty normal. I really am just fine. I don't mean for this to be a sob story. It was one small moment. And I know that I am not a special case. I also know that it's for the best. The divorce is very amicable, we're still a family and we're all going to be OK.

But even knowing that, sometimes it's OK to be sad too. And I need to remember that.

293 comments:

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Miss K said...

I am sending you a hug.

Natasha Fatah said...

Sydney, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know it was amicable, and everyone is going to be ok, but it is tough regardless.

You guys, especially your parents, will be all right, and I wish you the best of luck in this chapter in all of your lives.

Sending good thoughts.
xoxo
~Natasha Fatah~

Mandy said...

This broke my heart. Divorce is so hard. My husband's parents divorced when he was young and he still feels sad about it sometimes. My thoughts are with you today.

courtney said...

it is okay to be sad. divorce is such a sad and painful thing. i am so sorry.

Cady said...

So sorry you are going through this. So many of us understand how you feel completely. Thinking of you, xo.

Joanna. said...

I know how you feel! My parents divorced reasonably amicably about 3 years ago. When I moved in with my boyfriend a year later, it struck me how alone each of them must feel without the other. Even though it was for the best I know they miss each other, and I miss them being together. Marriage and parents are strange things. A little cry once in a while doesn't do anyone any harm though :)

peaas.blogspot.com

mom24orsinis said...

It's so good for you to go through the emotions, name them and be okay with them. My dear sister in laws parents divorced when she was young and, to this day, it is still something very personal and sad for her...even though she is good, with a lovely family and knew it was for the best too...

It was very brave of you to share it with all of us...I know anytime I have to "admit" something by naming it and saying it outloud, it gives it a WHOLE new life of it's own...good and bad alike...

BIG hug to you! xo

Cori said...

Sydney, it makes me sad to hear that you and your family are going through this. Mine went through the same thing when I was 13, it is very hard and not an easy thing to explain..but things will get better and it puts a smile on my face that you will all still work toghether and love eachother as a family.
Sending you a big hug!
-Cori

kristen said...

I'm just so so sorry. It is definitely ok to be sad. Especially when something you have known one way completely changes into something different. There are no words to really describe that loss. I am so so sorry.

Cassie said...

It takes a lot of courage and strength to openly talk about situations like this. You said you're not a special case. I don't believe that. Everyone deals with things in their own way and don't, for one second, think you have no right to. I hope for all the best for you and your family. Chin up :)

Shadowy Lady said...

I'm so sorry :( Sending you positive thought and lotsa hugs

Dana said...

It's very brave of you to be so open with a personal tragedy. My parents divorced when I was older too, and even when you are out of the house and can understand logically why it happened, it can still hit you at unexpected times. Sometimes you are reminded of (or maybe suddenly realize)a certain part of what you've lost and there it is. You are exactly right though--it is ok to be sad!

Jessica said...

wow i don't even know you but I almost started crying reading your story. Probably because my parents have a horrible relationship and should be divorced, but they're not. and I'm just waiting for the day when they tell us kids they are getting divorced. I'm sorry for what you are going through, it must be extremely hard.

Carrie said...

<3

Style in the City

Nicki Clark said...

I'm sorry, Sydney. Lots of love your and your family's way.

Virginia said...

I know exactly how you feel. My parents have been separated for about 3 years and divorced for about 2. I'm not positive about the amount of time for separation/divorce, but I am sure I have the same feelings now as I did on the first day. I was happy that my parents were finally getting a divorce, but it is still such a sad thing to go through for everyone involved.

Abbyblujay said...

okay i don't usually comment, i am a regular reader but a lurker i guess haha but I just wanted to... give you a giant wi-fi hug. My parents divorced when I was 15 and I didn't end up dealing with it til college and it turned out to be much. much worse left unattended to.

you deal with it the best you can... and no amount of advice or therapy or counseling can tell you that. just. take your time...

more wi-fi hugs from Chicago : )

Abby

blueye said...

I can so relate..I was 31 when my parents got divorced, also it was a good decision for them and it was expected as they already lived separately, but when my mom called me on the day they signed it and made it official, I remember just feeling like a little girl again, and I just stood there staring and feeling lonely. It was a sad moment for me and I remember it vividly even a year later. No matter how old we are, we're always our parents' children.. However, what it really did to me is that now I'm determined to marry the one I love so much that I want to grow old with and that I'll do my best to make a loving and temporary family for my future children. Thanks for sharing this Sydney.. sending you lots of hugs

ilene @ muchloveilly said...

((hugs, friend.))

Mary said...

I love your blog and have never commented before, but I feel like I want to today. Thank you for sharing this story. It was so very brave of you to do so and I wish you and your family all the best. And, yes, it is okay to be sad sometimes.

arianapia said...

hardest thing to do is remember that it is ok to be sad...

we all struggle with that sometimes. lots of good thoughts your way!

Eli Portillo said...

I don't not know what you are going through, but my heart was breaking as I read your post. I will be praying for you, and your family.
Eli
Eli's Spiritual Journey.blogspot.com

A FANCY DAY said...

Sydney- I'm so sorry, my parents divorced when I was 10 and it has been a struggle my whole life. It still brings me to tears sometimes, but that's ok I think that's normal. Sspecially when you love someone as much as you love your parents. Sending you lots of love!

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

I'm currently going through a divorce myself and while I know it's the right thing I also have these moments of sadness that are unexplainable.

I think those moments are sadness are normal, even if we're generally used to what's going on.

The Stratton's said...

You are right, all will be well and you are part of a beautiful family that is doing their best at remaining a family. My parents are also divorced and I was thankfully older when it happened because I could see the silver lining and truly understand it really didn't have to do with me. Yes, it would affect me, but it wasn't about me. It is a great blessing when the parents can be amicable and remember the kids are going to need that...

Sometimes a good cry really makes it all feel a little more bearable too. Hang in there...

EM {Pushups with Polish} said...

hang in there syd. sending my love and prayers your way, i know it took a lot of courage to share this. stay strong. xxo em

Jen Langrehr said...

This blog post literally almost brought me to tears and I don't cry much. But I can 100% relate what you went through. I know that feeling and it just hurts knowing that your mom and dad are no longer together. My parents both found someone else and are so happy which in turns makes me incredibly happy. But when they did get divorced it was rough...I feel for you.

.Candy. said...

no matter how hard we try not to be affected by it, it still does and it's a big aching part of our lives to go through something as sad as this. my heart let out all the pent up emotions i was hiding when i was reading your post. it's very genuine. my parents split up almost 20 years ago and it still saddens me. it really is ok to be sad. it's healthy to remember the sadness to appreciate the happy times...

Keep Calm and Carrie On said...

I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. Big hugs and prayers are headed your way!

besswess said...

We all think that this is an easy thing to handle and then it happens to our families. I am so sorry.

buildingatlantis said...

I know just how you feel. I found out my parents were getting divorced when I was 19. Somehow being older made it that much tragic. I felt like they had been together so long, it was baffling that now they would separate.

It took me a long time to come to terms with the divorce. About a year. I pushed away those feelings for a long time and it wasn't until I really grieved for their relationship, my family, and my idea of them lasting forever that I could move on and heal.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Divorce is sad and hard and rarely a simple experience. I hope that you and your family comes out on the other side strong, supportive, and loving.

kelley blake said...

I am so sorry to hear this Sydney. Even when it is an amicable split and it is for the best, it can still be hard. My parents divorced when I was in 4th grade and now my in-laws are divorcing. We know it's for the best, but it is still difficult. And I keep telling my husband that it's okay to be sad. That's normal. We'll be thinking and praying for y'all!

Emily said...

:( Hugs to you.

katrina leigh said...

this is beautifully honest post - your courage to not only to write it down but to share it is inspiring. Xo.

Stephanie said...

Sending hugs your way. Even when amicable, divorce is difficult for a family. My parents divorced when I was very young and I don't even remember my dad so it's something I've grown accustomed to. I can't imagine how foreign it must feel to have the family unit you've grown up with suddenly shift in such a dramatic way. Things will mend in the end but it's a tough journey. Lots of love to you and your family.

Maggie said...

so sorry love.

Mish Lovin' Life said...

My parents, after 30 years, also got divorced. I was about 22 when it finalized. And, three years later, I still sometimes have to give a good cry. Even though, yes, we're still a family. Yes, we all still love each other. Yes, they're still on good terms. But still...I know what you mean. My heart sometimes feels sad that my mamma and dad aren't together anymore.
I guess it's a good learning experience and a great motivator for our own relationships going forward?

xoxo

Meg Lynn said...

Sending my love, hugs, and prayers your way!! I have always found {D&C 121} to be such a comfort through hard times, I hope it will help you feel more at peace <3

Much love!

J+H @ Beyond The Stoop said...

so sorry to hear this... it's never fun for anyone involved.

but, remember that your family is not alone.

there are several others families that have divorces that do NOT end so amicably (mine included, on ALL the divorces involved, all 3, my parents have each divorced TWICE)

just try to think positive, and try as hard as you can to keep a good relationship with each side, and good things will happen :D

Andrea D said...

I don't have any personal experience with what you're going through, but I was so sad for you reading this.
I hope your family grows stronger from this experience.
Internet hugs to you!

Simply. Splendid. Living. said...

Praying for you Sydney!

Joanna said...

Divorce is hard, even when it is for the best. My parents divorced years ago, and I haven't seen my father since. And though I know it's for the best *he's a very bad man* it hurts that I don't have a dad and mom who love each other and love me. This too shall pass.

ModaMama

Julie Strieter said...

Thank you so much for your honesty. It is refreshing to read a post that is able to be related to in a real way. Sadness and sorrow are emotions that I like to bury and than they pop up at unexpected moments. I am in the process of divorcing and even though it isn't a surprise to my family the sadness is still there. I am sending you a hug across the miles.

Julie

nicholas,sarah,bianca said...

I am so sorry about how you're feeling. I think people in their lives have that moment where it doesn't really matter where it hits you but just does! good to let it ou and raise it up. peace and hugs. think how blessed you are to have your family and little E to snuggle with whenever you have to just think and let out how you feel. Stuff gets crazy stored up! raise it up!

Sara S ♥ said...

I'm so sorry. My parents have been divorced since I was 6 (I'm 22 now) and sometimes it still makes me sad. At least you'll always have memories of good times of them together and you can make new, better ones of you hanging out with them seperating, knowing that they're happier.
~Sara

Shawna Faye said...

SO sorry! My parents split up 3 years ago and are now going through a divorce. It's especially hard because growing up in the church you believe that your family is forever. Now, I'm not sure what that means anymore.
It was also hard because people think that my parents' divorce shouldn't bother me because I'm not a child. It was hard to explain why I felt so heartbroken over it.

Emily said...

I know I can't really say anything to make you feel better, but I do know that we have a loving Heavenly Father who will listen to you each time you pray and will send angels to lift you up when you need it most. Take care, Sydney :)

Anna said...

Oh Sydney, I'm so sorry. Even though it probably is for the better, heartbreak and hard times are no fun. I admire you for your strength and ability to still have a sense of humor during a rough time! Sending hugs your way.

Xo,
Anna

Chynna said...

Hang in there, Sydney. My parents got divorced when I was little and with it came so many emotions. Just let them come. It's ok to feel sad and relieved and even happy sometimes. All of it is ok. Things work out. It's tough though, so cry it out. It helps.


tychynhansen.blogspot.com

Jenny D. said...

My kids were very young when my ex walked out and we divorced. Now that they are a bit older they understand in the most basic sense that we are divorced, but in a few more short years I know the sadness will come in some form or another. Even though we are all "better off" divorce is complex and difficult by nature. I'm sorry for you and your family, but I appreciate your sincerity.

Anna D Kart said...

I'm so sorry to hear this because exactly at this time I'm going through the same thing. My parents got divorced this last Friday :( It's sad. It's inevitable. And yet it hurts... a lot. I know what you are going through and it's not easy.
May God bless you and give you strength!

AMY PALMER said...

Sending love to you and your family today. Thanks for opening up and I'm sure you've inspired many more than just me today.

-Amy
http://theblankpagesblog.blogspot.com/

Melissa said...

It's always refreshing to read something that's so open and honest - Thank you for having the courage to share this experience. With that being said, I'm so sorry for what you're going through right now. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

MM said...

Your sentence, "sad is such a tiny word for such a deep feeling" ... WOW. Hit me hard.

Sometimes, the end of something is just a new beginning. At least, that's my hope. For me...

Hannah said...

This is so beautifully written, and so honest, and so real. I will be thinking of you and your family. And sometimes you just need to cry, so let it out when you feel the need! It's better than letting the sadness try to constantly consume you while you try to swallow it back down. xo

Champagne Lifestyle on a Beer Budget

Hannah said...

This is so beautifully written, and so honest, and so real. I will be thinking of you and your family. And sometimes you just need to cry, so let it out when you feel the need! It's better than letting the sadness try to constantly consume you while you try to swallow it back down. xo

Champagne Lifestyle on a Beer Budget

Hannah said...

This is so beautifully written, and so honest, and so real. I will be thinking of you and your family. And sometimes you just need to cry, so let it out when you feel the need! It's better than letting the sadness try to constantly consume you while you try to swallow it back down. xo

Champagne Lifestyle on a Beer Budget

melody-mae said...

I know this comment is only just words...but, I truly am thinking of you right now and hope you can find some peace through it all. Sending a warm hug to you!

Elle said...

So very sorry about your parents. I wish I could hug you. I've experienced divorce with my parents twice. It's never easy--no matter what stage of life you are at. I hope you will allow yourself to be sad for a while. It's not selfish. Praying for you and your family.

Ess here! said...

Hugs and kisses to you Sydney! Thanks for sharing that, you and your family WILL be OK :)

XO

Alex said...

KEep your head up ladyfriend. It will all be ok. You'll be ok. Everyone will be ok. <3 <3 <3

islandfairy said...

I'm so sorry, Sydney. And you said it, it's ok to be sad. It's IMPORTANT to allow yourself to feel the sadness, otherwise it will come back and bite you in your behind when you least expect it. You'll be ok. x

Ellie said...

I'm sorry, Sydney.

Wish there was a way to make you feel better! <3

Rachel Nicole said...

I'm so sorry. :( I can only imagine what it would be like.

Rachel Nicole @ http://rachyracheshobbycorner.blogspot.com/

Michelle said...

my parents divorced a couple years back. i was shocked. it's for the best though. the feeling will pass, but it's always something you'll deal with. i wish i talked to someone earlier on. that'd be my advice to you.

Megan W said...

Hugs to you! Thank you for sharing your story. My parents have talked about seperating this past year. Although I think at times they'd be happier apart, I selfishly want them together. I hope you find peace in your family situation.

Jenna West said...

I am so sorry Sydney and I can only imagine what you are going through. I commend you for being strong and sharing this with us. Thanks for the ending point that it is ok to be sad, because we all need reassurance of that sometimes.

Sending you love and prayers

amber kanady said...

thank you for being open about such a tough and emotional subject. i was so shocked when you tweeted about it. just said a prayer for you and your family.

queenbean8 said...

I'm going through the same thing. My family all knew it was going to happen at one point or another, and now it finally is. It's really hard to get out of these things without any anger or hate in your heart, not so much for your parents exactly, but for the situation.
~ Jillian

queenbean8 said...

I'm going through the same thing. My family all knew it was going to happen at one point or another, and now it finally is. It's really hard to get out of these things without any anger or hate in your heart, not so much for your parents exactly, but for the situation.
~ Jillian

Jess said...

My grandparents divorced just before I was born. The first time I will ever see them in the same room together will be at my wedding next year. While I can tell it still hurts my mom a little bit, I've come to realize that our family has more than enough love to go around, and that's the most important thing.

God bless you and your family. <3

everythinginbetween7 said...

Im not sure if you actually read all of these wonderful comments. but i wanted to say be thankful for your siblings. I am the only child and when my parents divorced (during the time i was planning my wedding) i wish i had someone to share it with - not that i wish it on anyone. but it would have been nice to lean on someone.
hope you find happiness in this cloud of sadness.

xoxo

everythingforthelove.com said...

Sydney, although I don't know what it feels like, in the past month my mother in law (widowed 3 years ago) got married to a guy she met on the internet and after one month. My husband was upset with me one day, and after talking, I finally pulled out of him that he was really just struggling to see his mom kissing a stranger. It broke my heart to see him so sad. My heart goes out to you, hope you and your siblings find peace.

everythingforthelove.com said...

Sydney, although I don't know what it feels like, in the past month my mother in law (widowed 3 years ago) got married to a guy she met on the internet and after one month. My husband was upset with me one day, and after talking, I finally pulled out of him that he was really just struggling to see his mom kissing a stranger. It broke my heart to see him so sad. My heart goes out to you, hope you and your siblings find peace.

Makaila said...

Wow. Well said Sydney. I too was an adult child when my parents divorced.

Rachel said...

Thank you for your honesty.

caroline said...

sydney

thank you for being transparent with your readers...i'm actually going through the exact same situation right now...my parents are divorcing...as an adult there is a strange mix of understanding, logic, grief, but mostly just an aching sadness.
sadness of what was and what will never be...but also of what you still have...it's a strange bag of emotions.
know you're in my thoughts and prayers.

again thank you for sharing. you're not alone and it's good to know that i'm not either.

Chelsea Rose said...

So sorry for this happening:( I want to compliment you though because even though you distanced yourself from the issue, when you fell apart {so to speak} you relied on your family for love and support. Many people would have held all that emotion in or buried it, it takes a strong woman to be able to call upon her whole family for support in such a vulnerable time. :)

Ashley said...

Yes, it definitely is ok to be sad. And it's crazy how sadness hits us when we are least expecting it. Thoughts and prayers going out to you and your family.

Stacy said...

Oh that is so hard, even as an adult. Even though it is for the best somtimes it still feels like there was a death in the family. here is a hug for your honesty :)

Jen said...

Divorce is hard at any age. I was 2. It's good to share the good AND the not so good. Hugs to you.

Jes said...

I'm sorry that you and your family are going through this.

My parents divorced when I was 5 so I don't really remember what it was like to have my parents married. It didn't bother me most of my life because it's all I had ever known. My dad remarried over 10 years ago. My mom finally remarried last year, and even though this man is very nice and a good match for her, a part of me was overcome with sadness because it felt final. Like now there is no way they will ever find their way back to each other. And it just breaks my heart for them (I can tell that my mother still loves my dad dearly) and for me and my brothers never getting to experience a normal family life.

Hang in there girl!

Kelli said...

Wow, thanks for sharing, Syd. I cried reading it. I wish I could just give you a gigantic hug.

I've luckily never experienced a divorce, but it's always been one of my greatest fears. When I was only 7 or 8 years old I used to make my mom promise me that she and my dad would never get a divorce.

You'll make it through this. You have a fantastic support system of siblings and parents who love you. Best of luck!

jamie @ [kreyv] said...

I think that no matter how old we are, we still hold on to our parents and what we think our parents "should be." I think that as an adult it can even be harder, because we are very aware of the reality of it all. I'm sorry that you are experiencing this. It's ok to be sad! Hugs!

Em-Jae said...

Beautiful post -- thank you for sharing!!!

I was literally just having this conversation with my mom: feel mad, feel sad, and don't feel bad about it, because it's totally normal and okay. You wouldn't be human if you didn't have those emotions.

I wish you and your family the best, and I'm sure that time will heal.

Amanda said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you darling. I m soo sad for you! All I can advised you is to pray and ask God for strenght not just for you but for your family. God's plans sometimes are quite hard to understand but they always have a meaning to our lives. Much love and blessings.

Marin Elizabeth said...

None of your posts have ever touched me like this one. You put into words the pain that I feel every day. Sending prayers your way.

Lindsay [Elle Elizabeth] said...

Many hugs your way! Remember, family is family no matter what changes life may bring. Your parents will always be there for you and your siblings no matter what :)

Whitney King said...

I really like what you wrote..."But even knowing that, sometimes it's OK to be sad too. And I need to remember that." -- That is so true. You are in my prayers and thoughts.

www.wittywhitney.com

carli said...

Sending you a virtual hug.

I've been there. Exactly there. The indifference or passivity towards the inevitable (and most likely, for the best) events as they unfolded. And then sadness. And that's ok. You need to feel it all. I know I did.

And you're right. Life will be ok. You will all be ok. You are still a family and over time you'll learn how to redefine what that means. You all love each other and that won't change one bit.

Sending more hugs.

natalie grace said...

Wow. Nobody could have ever guessed you were going through this. It's so unfathomable to someone who is happily married and completely in love to imagine divorcing the one you married and were so sure of. My parents were divorced when I was in 3rd grade and it was the worst time of my life. I am so sorry, and will keep you and your siblings in prayer as you all learn to deal with emotions and change. Love to you and your family!

Ashton said...

Sending you my prayers and a hug,Sydney.

Mandy said...

Praying for you and your family.

eloise said...

I've been there- my parents divorced when I was 22 and I was suprised how it manifested itself in my life. I too let it come crashing down on me one day. I found that I needed to grieve over it to let it go and move on. A lot of therapists and books say it is a little like dealing with a death, so let yourself feel and grieve. What's lovely is the wonderful and beautiful family you've now created! Best of luck with this new journey. It's hard but certainly gets easier with faith in God and in your family.

amandanippoldt said...

I am so sorry to hear about this. It takes a lot to put something so personal out there. Hope all is well and things get better for you and your absolutely lovely family.

Meaghan said...

I must admit I teared up about while reading this. My parents divorced when I was in college and even though I was no longer a child it didn't make it any easier. Just remember that you're not alone in any of this and that sometimes it's ok to get a little emotional. Your life is changing, and I am hopeful it's for the best.

xxM
http://districtsparkle.blogspot.com/

Splendor said...

Sorry to hear the divorce but believe me you are one lucky girl because you still have a family after divorce. my dad cheated on my mom after 35 years and now living with someone else though they are still married. my mom sued dad last week and this is for the best. one difference, now i hate my father actually thats not hatred but indifference to him. I dont feel like he is my father anymore. :(

laurenjeanallece said...

Oh Sydney, I know this feeling well. My parents split when I was 12 and that word "inevitable" never seemed to true.

It's been 14 years since they were married and while not much changed - as you said, we're still a family - it's still sad sometimes.

And that's ok.

My heart goes out to you (and your family).

Elle said...

So sorry you are going through this. My parents have been divorced since I was 7 (I'm 26 now) and it still stings sometimes. But just remember they still love you the same xox

Kelli Anderson said...

even at its ultimate very best, divorce is sooooo yucky. it gives me a pit in my stomach. i know exactly how you are feeling in a lot of ways. thank heavens (literally) that you have the dude you have. just sayin.

Kelli Anderson said...

even at its ultimate very best, divorce is sooooo yucky. it gives me a pit in my stomach. i know exactly how you are feeling in a lot of ways. thank heavens (literally) that you have the dude you have. just sayin.

bex said...

I can not begin to imagine the ache your heart feels for the brokenness of your family. Even though you're a grown up that doesn't lessen the severity of the pain. They say it's worse as an adult child. My heart goes out to you during this time. I pray that the hearts of your family will heal quickly. Be blessed Sweet Sydney.

Bree said...

Thanks for being so real! Your openness just makes me love your blog even more. Hang in there! Sending hugs your way.

Cheers,
Bree
Dream in Fashion

Meg said...

Sydney, I'm so sorry. Divorce is never easy on anyone involved. Thank you for sharing this. My parents divorced when I was about 9, and sometimes it's still hard to deal with, but I think a lack of openness in our family made it worse. I hope your openness and positivity will help the healing of you and the rest of your family. You will all be in my prayers!

Jenn @ PSP said...

It IS okay to be sad. It's a rough thing to go through, for anyone. I'm so sorry to hear that, and I'm sending prayers your way.

Chelsea said...

I am truly sorry for the loss of your parent's marriage. Your honesty is incredibly touching & I am sending hugs, good thoughts and vibes your way as you and your beautiful family (and sisters and brothers and mother and father) navigate this uncharted territory!

Chelsea
www.hautechildinthecity.com

Maria Camila said...

Wow I'm so sorry to hear this, it's ok to be SAD and CRY. its a way to let it all out. Many HUGS to you and your FAMILY.

XX, adropofbliss.blogspot.com

{annie_loo} said...

Bless your heart. I'm so sorry to hear this. There will be good days and there will be sad days. Take the good with the sad. Love them both. They both need love right now more than anything. I know in my situation it was easier to love my mom (because I lived with her) but my dad needed me too. He was lonely and needed our love. I don't know your situation, but I'm certain they need love. I'll pray for peace for your family.

Blessings sweet Sydney!

xoxo

Katlyn said...

I am praying that you have strength, and that you find peace in all of this.

Rhiannon Manzi said...

I am sending many hugs and positive thoughts your way. I remember how difficult it was when my parents split. This post was thoughtful and touching. I'm glad you shared it.

Dodo
Rhiannon

Yoursparklingeyess.blogspot.com

Natalie said...

<3

Torrie said...

Like so many others who have commented, I can definitely feel for you. My parents divorced when I was in my teens, and it was a time of much tears and confusion and inexplicable brokenness, even though I knew, too, that it was the logical thing that needed to happen. My parents have both since remarried, which was another hard adjustment, but in the end, we each must seek our own happiness.

I know sometimes as members of the church, divorce is esp. difficult to cope with. I don't know your family situation exactly, but just in case, I'll pass on something I wish someone would have told me: remember that the sealing of spouses and the sealing of children to parents are two different things. Hope that makes sense.

Anyway, sorry for the novel--I'm sending lots of love and hugs and prayers your way.

Torrie

http://autodidacticambitions.blogspot.com

e. said...

is it because your mom is a lesbo??
oh and how does your ~rigid mormon faith~ feel about divorce? theyre prob going to hell huh??? LOL!!! what a great cult :) :) :)

MelissaJoy said...

Sydney, I'm so sorry that you're going through this hardship. It's basically impossible to understand the feelings unless you go through them yourself. Sending good thoughts your way, and remember don't bottle up your feelings. Just let them out.

Tara @ Beautiful Blendings said...

My parents divorced when I was just turning 3 years old. My mom and I moved away from my dad (3,000 miles in fact) and honestly I know it was best but I hated that he was th person I didn't know who made my mom so sad. It was difficult being juggled between them my entire life (and they still don't speak) but I also know as an adult now that they were never meant to be together. My mom likes to say the only reason he was in her life was so that she could have me. But I totally get that heart-wrenching feeling you get from having your parents apart and honestly it's why I'm 26 and not married yet. I can't bare to go through it myself. Someday…
Thanks for your open heart in this post. It helps to feel the 'real' parts of you.
Xo.

Alexandra said...

Syd. I admire you and your beauty both inside and out. I started following your blog when I started as a freshman in 2010 at BYU-Idaho. I feel like I follow your blog religiously ;). Thank you for allowing me into your life.

I too know the heartache of divorce. I am 20 and my parents have been divorced for one month. The pain is still there, but it's ok to be sad. I have a lot of good days, but sometimes it just seems so hard. I know you said that it may be hardest for your younger siblings, but don't forget about you! You are important too. I thought it would be the hardest on my youngest sibling but she is the most resilient and has handled this situation very maturely. The divorce has actually been hardest on me, the oldest! Anyway, I'm sending my love to you. Thank you for sharing.

Basically B said...

I am soon 25 years old and last year my parents announced their separation, after 25 years of marriage and two children they finally said what I knew was coming... divorce. It had been hinted at since I was 22, but this time mom had bought a house and was moving out. At 22 years old I remember them sitting me down and tell me what was going on and I immediately broke down, I cried for days, I missed work, I wouldn't leave my room, I wouldn't speak to anyone about it (other than my long term boyfriend at the time). It was the hardest feeling, knowing there was no way I could fix it. They stayed together and later I found out why: me. It was because of me they didn't go through with the separation at that time and they tried... for me. It didn't work and I realized I had to remember I didn't always have the power to fix everything. At 24 when my mom moved out of my dads house I cried, yes, it hurt, it will always hurt, but it's not my relationship to feel the sadness I felt before, I say that in a selfish way... I knew this time around I couldn't make this my burden (at risk of sounding completely selfish and like a terrible daughter), I couldn't let this ruin my life and my heart.

My parents confirmed the divorce in April this year and while it was sad knowing that was the final straw, that now it wasn't a mere act of moving back in together that would make them husband and wife it would have to be their love that makes that happen..... it's very real, it's very heartbreaking. They are still my parents and they raised me perfectly and in the most loving environment I could be apart of and i'd never take that back, ever.

I believe being older and witnessing the family that raised you break apart from what you've know for so long is harder than when you're younger (not the dismiss ANYTHING a younger sibling goes through at all). My sister (17) sees it differently than I do and it hurts our relationship in ways and in ways it's brought us together.

You're very brave to share this with your following, it's hard and I know that for a fact. Just be there for both of them and be there for YOURSELF as well.

be-not-afraid.org said...

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I'm also so thankful for your honesty and openness. I can so relate to what you said at the end-that even though you know things are going to be okay, that they could be worse, and that others have been in your shoes, it's still important and okay to let yourself be sad. I've felt this way so many times over the past 2 years of dealing with cancer, and as I was starting to get down again today, I really needed to read this-to be reminded of the legitimacy of ALL of our feelings. Thank you, and hang in there.

Eat.Style.Play said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Natascha said...

Hope you are ok now! You´ll always have to struggle with that, my boyfriends parents divorced when he was a child and I know he´s sometimes still sad about that.

BIG german Hugs!!
Natascha

sunnysideoflife said...

so, so sorry sydney. there's really nothing more to say.

The Everyday Album said...

Divorce is devastating. Hope you are doing okay today. <3

Jenny said...

I'm sorry to hear that. I think that's a tough thing to go through at any age. It's nice that you can go to your parents about it. They must be wonderful people. :)

Unknown said...

I just want to say that it was very courageous and admirable that you shared with your readers about this tough situation in your life. I really love how you wrote in the that "sometimes its OK to be sad too" to not push off the negative emotions but that its okay to be hurt and sad :) you are an inspiration

jenny said...

I am a long time reader... and this just made me so sad too. Thanks for being open and honest and real. I'm sad for your hurt and the hurt of a failed marriage. Hugs to you.

.aubrey c. said...

I can't relate but about every other person I know has divorced parents and I really sympathize for you. Its OK to be sad syd.

http://gandacummings.blogspot.com

ZADIN said...

This is life! Brutal sometimes, but still beautiful.

http://zad1n.blogspot.com/

Kristen said...

made me cry. I'm so so terribly sorry. stopping and saying a prayer for you and your family this very second!

His Little Lady said...

it's okay to feel sad that your parents aren't together anymore. i'm just so happy that you have such a supportive family who is there by your side and shows you love! just remember that everything will be okay.
sending many hugs your way!
xo TJ

NP said...

It is hard thing when your parents get divorced. (Mine divorced when I was 13 and my dad divorced again when I was 25). It doesn't matter what age you are. Sometimes I think it's harder when you are older, because your parents don't hide their emotions from you because you are not a child. They share things and being an adult you understand things much better which makes it harder. But look at the bright side of things, you get 2 Thanksgivings, 2 Christmases. No really, after my parents divorced I became extremely close to my dad and my grandmother and that is something I would NEVER change. Think of it as a chance to REALLY get to know your parents as individuals as they figure themselves out as individuals again! And don't worry we've all cried in a Panera, McDonalds, Burger King, Chipotle parking lot at some points in our lives! (or several different points in our lives)
take care
nicole

Bri @ Mod Memento said...

Sydney - I've never commented before but I just had to today. I went through the pain of my parents divorcing 9 years ago. And just like you, I was an adult at the time (age 23). I know it's extremely difficult for children to understand when their parents get divorced, but it's just as hard for adults to process. All you've known your whole life has now changed. My parent's divorce has left a permanent scar on my heart but I try to remain strong as my Mom & Dad work to move on and rebuild separately. Thank you for publicly sharing this piece of your life story. Because it's a big, important, monumental thing to have happen to you in your 20's. And it's honestly nice to know that others are going through what I did and staying strong for their families and babies. My heart aches for you as you process all this! God Bless. ~Bri~

Mrs.Lucas said...

Divorce is always hard and some days are easier than others. I was only three when my parents divorced but it has been hard on and off my whole life. Both of my parents have been married and divorced since then and its always hear breaking. Sometimes you just need to cry. I hope you are feeling better today!

Alyssa said...

Divorce has had a major impact on families. I know numerous families where the parents are divorced, even good families that I thought never would. It all works out in the end, I don't really know what you are going through because I'm a very lucky girl but I hope that you continue to find peace and that it works out for you. (: Good luck girl!

Kassie said...

This made me tear up.

As a wife and mom, divorce really bothers my heart.
I get that for some it just happens, that for some it is the best. Its hard though... even after both of my parents being married/divorced multiple times...its still hard. I think its okay to be sad over it...not selfish at all.

Prayers for you and your family!

Sydney said...

ohh big squeezes from Toronto!
My parents went through a divorce all of last summer and through this winter, it was, as you said: just sad. Good for you for sharing and good for you for crying, it really helps! I'm sorry your family isn't the way it has always been and there now exists a great divide where there wasn't one before but truly it will all even out.

Brielle said...

My parents went through a divorce when I was in college and I had the same kind of moment. And a selfish cry. But it is okay to be sad! That means it was something important. And I am sending you a hug! xox It will get better!

Alyanna said...

I'm so sorry, to hear about this situation in your life.. I can't imagine what you must be feeling or going through...and just know that it's completely okay to be sad, and to feel pain..and to grieve. Because in a huge way this does impact your life directly...And it's easy sometimes to not address the pain.
I would have never guessed, from your blog that you were going through so much. I'm sorry, Sydney. I know I don't know you personally, but I can only imagine it must be so hard. Make sure you give yourself time to grieve...and just to process everything. My best friend went through this exact situation 6 years ago when we were 15....and I know it has changer her life...
Anyhoo not to write a novel. You're in my prayers and know that The Lord is near to those who are in pain....Maybe read Psalms for encouragement. They are so encouraging to me when I'm going through hard situations in life.
May you have a beautiful day, friend. Take care of yourself and your family.

Alyanna

Lindsay said...

Oh sweet Sydney, your family is in my prayers. I am in the middle of a divorce and we share a 2 1/2 year old..its hard..not matter what age you are or what end of things you stand on. PRAYING for you. Im here if you ever need to vent!

Lindsay
leelala.net

kira said...

Thanks for being so real and sharing this. Divorce is always hard. No two ways around it. My older brother recently went through a divorce and despite all the sadness I have hope that God can create something beautiful out of our tangled relationships. Hugs and thanks again for being brave!

kira said...

Thanks for being so real and sharing this. Divorce is always hard. No two ways around it. My older brother recently went through a divorce and despite all the sadness I have hope that God can create something beautiful out of our tangled relationships. Hugs and thanks again for being brave!

Georgi said...

I'm noy usually comment, but I read your blog every day.
My parents got divorced when I was 12 years old. Now I'm 23, well almost 24. it doesn't matter how old are u, is always a difficult situation.
I hope that u are less sad today, how are your sisters?
a big virtual hug for you from BA :)

darkness always turns into light :)

Shannon Brickner said...

I'm so sorry. The breaking up of a marriage is so tough. Hang in there Sydney! xoxo

Daniëlle said...

It is ok to be sad! It is also ok to feel sad for you, i think it´s normal, because you are the child and your parents are divorcing. No matter the age, it will always hurt.
It ok to be sad and you should not try not to be when you are. Sadness is an emotion too and all emotions are good:)
Wish you all the best!

andrea said...

my heart goes out to you sydney. my parents divorced when i was 13 and I always saw it coming. my fiance's parents are in the middle of a divorce now and it just is the pits. as an engaged couple, we have decided and promised each other that we are doing this for eternity. it's hard to see others, and even our own parents, who have been sealed and ended in divorce. this is so hard, and i think you are quite remarkable for keeping a happy face throughout this year. no one would've ever known. you are such a sweet person & loved by so many people. i hope the rest of your family is holding up alright.

LaynahRose said...

You're so right about the word sad being too small of a word for how it feels. I hate sadness. Whenever I get sad, I try to turn it into some other emotion as soon as possible (usually anger, because it's the easiest).

Hard things are hard. It will probably never be the same again, but that doesn't mean that it will never be good again. Just look at your last post for goodness sakes :) I'm sure you'll have no problem counting the blessings you DO have.

MrsKinne said...

My parents are getting a divorce, and it is pretty awful. Somehow I thought that my being 28 would make it easier, but it is still all-around terrible. I am sending lots of love and positivity your way.

Whitney said...

I too am an avid reader but not much of a commenter. My heart aches for you. Just thinking about the things you are probably facing and will continue to face makes me so sad. I know that when things like this happen the only way to get through them is through the atonement of Jesus Christ. You are loved.

kelsey said...

i'm sorry. :(

Kelly Jean said...

So sorry to hear that. Such a hard struggle to go through [for everyone involved] :(

These scriptures always make me feel better:

Psalms 27:1 -

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?


Psalms 30: 5 -

For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

John 14:18

I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.


Hope they give you the big hug of comfort & hope you need!

jenny said...

My dad left our family when I was 12. They were separated for 4 years, then he finally made the decision to file for divorce. I am now almost 26 years old and sometimes still struggle. I don't have a good relationship with my dad, I keep him at arm's length and do not open up to him about much that is happening in my life. It's nice to hear that you still have a good relationship with both.

I know how you feel, sweet girl, and I'm sending you a giant hug.

Annalisa said...

hugs.

pickyandhealthy.com said...

I'm sorry about your parents.

I once had a breakdown at a Panera. My brother was in the hospital across the country and it wasn't clear if he'd be ok (he's fine now). I went in to order lunch and the woman kept telling me they didn't have something they knew they had and I got so upset and just started crying. She was pretty confused.

beboldwithgodsgifts said...

One thing I have learned from sadness--it's okay to be sad, and it is definitely ok to talk about it. Both things will help you move forward when the time comes.
Hugs to you and your sweet family.

Kate said...

I'm so sorry you're going through this! I think it was really brave of you to write about this, because I think it's something a lot of people can relate to but don't write about much in blog world. My parents separated for a few months when I was 8, and while they ultimately worked it out, reading your story brought back all of those feelings that you described. Thanks for sharing this! I'm relatively new to your blog, and I just love it!

Vanessa said...

Sigh. I too, went through this. Its always tough when we suppress those emotions...and they come back, slapping us in the face when we least expect it. All we can do is smile..and look towards the future. That is where happiness lies. Feel better <3

Marisa said...

I'm sending you a hug and telling you I completely understand.
My parents divorced when I was 19, and we went through some other difficult family things at the same time. It was hard. So hard. Your main example of "marriage" has just fallen apart.
But there was good of it coming during my adulthood.
No custody battles, visitations, child support payments.
My parents, like yours, divorced amicably. They kept our family strong. They were each individually much happier.
When my father later passed of lung cancer, he actually moved back in with my mom and she helped care for him. I am so thankful to her for that.
Grieve, because in a way this is a loss in your life. It gets easier :)

Miss Kenzie said...

i have learned that sometimes it is the best thing just to cry when there are sad moments in life. plain and simple. it defintely helps.
i am so sorry for the pain your family is experiencing. but i know through the Atonement, you all can and will heal, and will be made stronger through this trying experience. my prayers are with you all!

<3
Kenzie

treasuresifound said...

hi sydney!
so i typed up this huge comment, only to have my computer die. so this is take two.
first, like others, i am more of a reader. babes e is so cute and you and husband are full of life lessons and are wonderful so i keep coming back for more.
i am currently a senior in college (graduating sunday! !!!!) and am the oldest of four. i have two younger sisters who are my best friends and a ten year old brother.

anyway, this past thanksgiving, my parents got officially divorced. i was upset by it. and a bit shocked that, ohmygoshthisisactuallyit. i didn't talk about it because i felt that a bunch of other kids' parents get divorced and life goes on and they aren't sad so i shouldn't be either. but i was.
skip to current time may 2012. my mom is still a bit heart broken, my siblings still a bit more tender than before, but between all of us, including my dad (and my daughter), our relationships are only getting better. the hurt — slowly — goes away. but saying i have divorced parents is still a bit foreign.

i guess im just saying — i know how you feel. mutual emotions cross country from wisconsin, how bout that! cry all you want, be sad all you want, steal as many kisses and hugs from e as you want, but chin up. it gets better. and for a quick happiness boost? laugh until you can't breathe. those are the best ones. happy wednesday! you're two days out. and the days will keep on coming until this thing that is such an emotion present will only be a part of your past. — kristin

Sarah said...

Oh, Sydney, I'm so sorry. You are right - it's ok to be sad. Grieving is a process, and naming your feelings is part of it. It's good that you and your siblings have each other to turn to. I'll be praying for you and your still-lovely family.

Hannah said...

i am so so so sorry for your feelings!
when i was 9 my dad left my mum, me and 2 unborn children. Lotte and paula were born 9 days after my dad left my mum. The twins were born in week 27 so a lot too early. My dad always stayed with my mum and held her hand and everything, because he still loved her, but not as much as he love his new girlfriend. He stayed a good dad. He will aways be my dad, he will always be a part of my life.
At the time my dad left us, i had to be strong. i had to be my sister's other mum. I was okey with that because i always wanted siblings and then i had two! I spend the weekends with my dad and first i was kind of angry at him because he left my mum while she was pregnant and in hospital with all the surgeries they had! At least they died 2 years later after a bad car accident. Let's not talk about it, that makes me sad and it is not the point, the point is, that your mum lost your dad and your dad lost your mum (it is ok if you're sad for them, but not for you) because you still have your mum and you still have your dad and they will aways be a part of your life and i am sure they love you and protect your family TOGETHER.

I know it hurts. my parent get divorced right after the car accident. it was hard time though but seeing them that they marriage is now definitly over was awful!
Hope you feel better soon!
xoxoxoxoxo
Hannah
(sry for my bad english, it's my german schhol english :) )

Haley said...

Sydney I'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through. My parents divorced over 6 years ago and as I was reading your post my heart went out to you. It's a horrible thing to have to deal with and I pray you will find comfort and joy from those around you.
Blessings.

haileymarie22 said...

Hey Sydney! I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I'm sure you've heard this a million times already today but this time exactly last year our family went through the same thing. My little man was 3 months old at the time and It made it so much harder to be strong for my husband and little one when all I wanted to do was cry. Every once in a while I will just get really sad and it's really okay! Hang in there, girl! Prayers coming your way!
-Hailey Duncan

Vonae Deyshawn said...

Hey love! I'm so sorry to hear about your parents. Mine too are currently going through a separation with the divorce being finalized before the year is out. I know what you mean when you say you felt nothing at first until it all hit you. I'm still going through the emotions. I too know it's for the best, the very best. I've seen a glow return to my mother's face that I've never seen before. Although I know it's inevitable, I can't help but think how my family will function because it's been a very messy, bitter situation.

Vonae Deyshawn
www.myvirtueplace.com

BarbaraEllen said...

Admire & look up to you so much. I am incredibly sorry for your loss--because it is a loss--and that of your family's. When you share this, it reminds all of us that you are human. Probably reminds you that your parents are human, too. And no matter how perfectly things should have turned out, or how we feel they MUST turn out, none of us--no one--can escape humanity. Thank you for sharing your humanity (and beauty gosh darn-it!) with us.

Teresa @ Delightfully Darling said...

Im so sorry to hear this... I am sure that you and your parents are very upset by all of this. It does sound like you are all dealing with it appropriately and that this could be a good thing in the long run, but for now, I am certain that its awful.

Much love to you and your Mom and Dad. xoxo

Teresa
www.delightfullydarling.com

erica said...

thank you for being so real and honest. sending you love!
xo.

geri e. said...

I'm so sorry Syd.

jenna marie said...

I've followed you for some time and love coming to your blog your a smile, some fun fashion, or some awing over that darling baby of yours. Today I read and had a hard time answering the phone just now when it rang. You wrote with such clarity and emotion I just had to reach out and thank you for sharing. hugs.

Zoë said...

My parents have been divorced for almost 15 years, and it still makes me sad that the family I once had is now forever changed. But the good news is that life goes on, people fall in love again, families figure out how to make it work. Most of all, your parents, even if they don't love each other in that way anymore, will never stop loving you. My heart goes out to you and your family.

Andrea said...

Hugs! This made me tear up a little....I'm sorry to hear this news of your family. But you seem to be handling it very well.

Cherisa Smith said...

This breaks my heart. I am so sorry, but I know you will get through. You have a very positive outlook that is a good thing to have. I admire you for that.

Sarah-Anne said...

i am so sorry friend...healing sounds like it has already begun. i will be praying for it to never end.
::hugs::

Leigh said...

What a beautiful & heartbreaking post. Lots of prayers going out to you!
xoxo,
Leigh

Erica said...

Hi Sydney-
As a lifelong member of the church, it was very difficult when my parents went through a bitter divorce 2 years ago (I was 25). My sister and I were drug into it and it felt like a bomb went off in our family. It's a very strange thing, I think, to be always taught about "forever families" and covenants and then everything change. I had friends who's families were split up, but it was different for me being LDS. Thanks for this post. I know Heavenly Father knows each of us personally and will guide you through this time. Sending good karma your way :)

Starr said...

The craziest thing about blogs is that I don't know you, you don't know me but my heart ached as I read that as if I have known you for years. I am so sorry and I hope you find peace at even the saddest times.

Tessa Shoemaker said...

Sending happy vibes and prayers your way. A person of divorced parents and every aunt/auncle I have divorced, its very difficult at times but I remind myself that no matter how different Id want things to be at times, I'm so blessed just to have some amazing parents in general. <3

Camila Faria said...

Thanks for this strong and beautiful post. I'm so sorry and I hope you feel a little better today. ♥

http://naomemandeflores.com/en

Char said...

Sending warm wishes and a big hug your way. xo
Char
www.itsacharmlife.blogspot.com

Nicole Fulbright said...

I am going through the exact same thing right now and it's so good to see this post. I am older and no longer live at home, so when I found out about my parents I was very detached from the situation and I haven't really been dealing with the hard truth of it all. I cried about it on the phone with my dad too for the first time since the split last Thursday. I think it's just so crazy how you perfectly described everything I'm feeling and going through. I know this happens to a lot of people and it's for the best for everyone, but it's so hard to not be sad that the people I love most in this world no longer love one another. Sending my love and thanks all the way from California.

xoxo, Nicole

Kellie said...

I've never been through a divorce in the family, but I have been through family heartache. It sucks. Thanks for sharing.

Mrs. E said...

I know that you have so many comments all probably saying about the same thing, but I just want to say thanks for posting this. My parents are going through a divorce right now. I'm married and my brother is older, but it's hard. Unfortunately my logical side can only account for about 80% of the time for me. I'm still sad. Sometimes I'm selfish sad, but a lot of times I'm just sad for them. And I wish I could do something to make them not sad anymore. It sucks. Prayers your family's way.

Lindsy said...

it's okay to be sad and let that sadness out. i am going through the same thing. so very, very tragic. hugs to you, sydney!

Jill GG (good life for less) said...

I feel for you... and I am right there with you. My parents divorced about three years ago... unfortunately I had NO idea they were having problems because they didn't tell me and I live two states away. They just came to visit one weekend and said it was over. I still go through waves of emotion like sadness and anger. I think I always will. It's helped for me to talk to a professional about it... and it's helped to have time pass as well. But the deep sadness lies in the fact that we will never be a family again. And that I feel like I will never fully recover from.

The upside is that it has made my commitment to my own marriage more solid. I never ever want my kids to experience this. And I feel like I am more vigilant with my friends and their marriages in the hopes that if they were to have problems I could be there to support them and hopefully not have their marriage end.

Stay strong... you're in my thoughts!

Aspiring Domestic Goddess said...

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a hard time, parents divorcing is never easy, no matter how old you are.

xx

Lauren said...

You. Are. Wonderful. I'm so sad for you but it's so good to recognize emotions as they come. Here for ya when you need girl talk lady.

Stephanie of Pretty {much} Art said...

** hugs ** Sometimes your body and your emotions knows what you need better than your head does. Always listen to your heart. Things will be ok, friend.

Jam Oblina said...

This is a rough situation. For anyone experiencing this, it is quite tough. I mean if my parents were getting divorced, i'd probably feel worst because questions would infiltrate my head and more confusion sinks in. But then we will never be able to decipher deeply why such event could happen for two people we thought who had everything under control, you know. But then again they have their own minds and feelings that we just have to trust their decision even if it hurts so bad. Good thing is that you still have each other. Perhaps in a not ordinary way. Nevertheless, still family.

P.S. It's ok to feel everything you felt. We are human after all.

Allison Cross said...

It's brave of you to post this. I'm sending hugs and prayers your way.

The Brides' Maid said...

My heart goes out to you. I'm sorrounded by weddings all day long and for many Brides, their second. Even though it's hard, there is a light at the end of the tunnel for your parents, but for the child, there is always longing. I wish you the best and that you will feel comfort through this hard time.

Anna @ IHOD said...

Syd,
Watching my husband go through the divorce of his parents, I know sadness doesn't begin to cover it. You never want to see the symbol of your family break a part. But like you said, your family will be okay, and the love you have for eachother will be such a strong rock.
Big hugs and prayers your way.
Much love,
Anna

Katie said...

that was very brave of you to share.

thank you for being so honest.

Emily said...

Hugs! xoxo

kelly ann said...

your honesty and transparency is beautiful. thank you for sharing your heart. xo.

Amy said...

I'm so sorry, Sydney. Your story completely resonates with me. About 4 years ago my parents divorced--after an extended separation--too. And it kills. I avoided the tears for a while, too, but they come when they want! I'll be keeping you in my thoughts/prayers. Lean on Tyson and love that baby of yours when you're feeling especially weepy.

laura said...

thinking of you. xo

Unknown said...

Thanks for sharing such a personal thing with all of us who read your blog (I'm assuming you don't know many of us). You have a great way with words. I just read this to my husband and we both cried and laughed (you had some funny parts:). It helps others to hear such a "real" thing.

Yaz said...

Wow, I wasn't prepared for that one. The entire two-parent and kids thing is a very difficult pill to swallow when it is no longer that set up, no matter the age. Bc that is the intended design. I never had the two-parent home, but wished for it, so I can imagine how hard it must be for someone a full adult and having to see that broken, even if figuratively it was already broken. As a mom myself, of an infant slightly older than yours at 15 months, it breaks my heart for him, that his father and I are not, can not, and should not be together. I read the sweet stories about you and Tyson...well Tyson with your son, the three of you, and I smile and get teary-eyed at the same time. The whole dynamic of parents and children is a very powerful 3-way bond, and difficult to absorb when its broken apart, whether, you're the child or the parent. Glad you had that special bonding moment with your father, at least you know that regardless, you do have them both. Kudos to you for sharing that. Stay prayerful.

Urban Nester said...

Syd... I'm so sorry to hear that you're parents are getting a divorce. That is devastating. I will be praying for you and your family through this time.

Thanks for sharing... You are fully supported in the blog world.

molly
http://alwaysamrsforeverakidd.blogspot.com

Alex said...

Wow. I am so sorry. I know how you feel....when I was in middle school my parents separated for a few months and now, I still carry that hurt around...and they didn't even get divorced. I think it's good to cry and good to cry with your family, you just can't dwell on the situation. I think, if anything, this will make your marriage stronger! Good luck <3

Meg C said...

What a brave post. I'm sorry to hear about your parents divorce. I know it's not something anyone wants to face, no matter what age they are when it occurs.

On a positive note, it was great meeting you at the gym. I hope it's wasn't a bother on such a rough day.

Meg C

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