Shoes: Kohls Simply Vera Wang, Jeans: F21, Top: Target, Scarf: Zara, Sweater: c/o Ruche, Hat: Urban OutfittersAwkward:
- Trying to navigate a busy grocery store with the handle of my shiny new Swiffer jutting out the side of the cart. No lady, that was not me smacking your bum. It was the Swiffer see? Oh hey, there goes the entire row of cans on aisle 5. Just me and my Swiffer; smackin' bums and destroying beans.
- The appraiser who asked if he could use our bathroom ... aaaaaand comes out 20 minutes later. And that is what you call a walk of shame.
- Texting someone who knows who YOU are, but you just lost all your phone numbers so you don't know who they are. So you stupidly text along, trying to be as vague as possible until you figure out who it is. But the conversation is 10 texts in and you are getting no where. So you HAVE to do it. "Hey um ... who is this again?" Then Napoleon Dynamite come in and smacks you upside the head, Ugh! ... IDIOT! ...
- Accidentally using honey and Season-All instead of honey and cinnamon. I'm pretty sure Julia Child would've just straight up passed out if she'd found out what happens in my kitchen.
- Slicing up the wedges in your grapefruit so deep that you unknowingly poke holes in the bottom of it. So eventually you turn it over to squeeze all the juice out, only to have 20 miniature holes squirting your eyes with what I'm like 98% sure was Mace
- Propping up in bed to take a drink, only to have half of the watery contents fall right out the side of your mouth. On the plus side, I got to hog the middle of the bed while my side dried. Booyah.
- The middle-aged, well-dressed professional whom I had the pleasure of parking next to. The guy could make money off of his steering wheel pounding, head banging, rocker skills.
- That I actually lasted through 20 minutes of crying before I decided that I'm not ready for sleep training yet.
- My at home Essie manicure lasting an entire week. For a hard-on-nails girl like myself, whose manicures typically last ... oh ... 3 hours, this is mind blowing. Mind. Blown.
- The wide-eyed look Everett gets on his face when I sing to him. He concentrates on my mouth like, oh. my. gosh. What IS that thing.
- The Hunger Games. Intricate storytelling is such an amazing talent.
- Discovering that Burt's Bees baby oil is the best thing to ever happen to my legs