So get this. The other day I was driving in the car {as opposed to the giant jelly-bean with wheels that I normally drive} when all of a sudden, out of nowhere ... I burped. "What luck!" I thought, "What a stupendous day this is going to be!" and instinctively I turned in my seat so that someone could give me a high five for my accomplishment. Unfortunately for my ego, no one was there and I realized that I was the only one in the whole world to witness the occasion. Sad day right? So I thought I'd share with you! And you're feelin pretty lucky yourself now, aren'tcha?
You see, I can't burp. Or rather ... don't know how to burp. If I had to put a number on it, I'd say it happens maybe once every ... mmmmm ... 6-7 months? Maybe less. Who knows. I choose to blame it on my abnormally skinny throat {that could be a reason right?}, because goodness knows it's not from my genes. Isn't that right, Caytlyn. Anywhoo ... you must be wondering how it is that someone, anyone could go their whole lives without this handy-dandy skill in their repertoire. Well I'll tell you. It's not easy. And it's not for lack of people trying to teach me either. I've had many a lesson throughout the course of my life, believe you me. Each lesson involving the burper {whoever is trying to teach me} and the burper-ee {me of course} taking turns sucking in air and pushing it back out again. With of course, the burper being successful and the burper-ee gagging to death with her mouth open, emitting no noise whatsoever. Lovely. So most of the time, you'll find me settling. In other words, dealing with what I call the gurgle. The gurgle, being the sound that my throat likes to make when a little pocket of air gets stuck right after I've eaten something. It has been most commonly recognized as a sound that I would imagine a gnarly, hungry tom-cat would make right before it's about to pounce on it's poor little mousy prey.
ah. graphic much?
I guess I can't complain, I mean there are worse things out there. Like having mosquitoes always bite you on the arch of your foot, or being allergic to gluten so you can't ever have bread or having toothpicks for legs. I mean, can you imagine?
In any case, now you know. So next time you see me and I happen to emit something resembling a small hiccup, after-which I start smiling the biggest smile you've ever seen in your entire life ... give me a high five. It'll make my day.

13 comments:

Maddison said...

oh my gosh, me too. this. exact. thing! haha. nobody else understands =P

Congratulations!

*high five*

=)

Sydney said...

hip hip hooray! cheers to us :)

Natalie Brooke said...

hahah, I've just found your blog and I have to say you are my "burp twin" I can not burp either, and my throats always doing the little gurgle. gah. Anyways, love your blog!! you're hilarious! (:

the annans said...

I'm so glad I'm not alone!!! I don't know how to burp either! Hi, my name is Meg, I'm 26 and I can't burp. If I burp once a year it's like a major event and I tell everyone about it. On my first date with my soon-to-be-husband, my throat was making the "gurgle" sound and I had to explain the whole situation. We had just eaten Italian food. It was embarrassing. And now he calls it "moo-ing" b/c it kind of sound like a baby cow noise. And he loves me anyways :-)

Kayla said...

Um, I have this EXACT SAME THING. Like with the gurgle and everything. When I got pregnant with my first kid I realized a LOT of my ever present nausea came from the fact that I just had serious gas buildup in my tummy and a lot of times I'd start gagging and run to the bathroom expecting vomit and...I'd burp. Giant, horrific, echo-y burp. And I'd feel so. much. better.

Also, I've done some Googling on the matter (I know, so scientific) and I think it's related to the muscle (ok, they always call it a "sphincter" but using that word makes me cringe) right between the stomach and the esophagus being too weak or something. So there you go. Why we are weird burpers.

Annabell said...

This is crazy! I can't burp either! And I also have the "gurgle" thing. My family and friends find it absolutely fascinating that I can drink a whole can of Diet Coke and not burp at all.

Trains and Sewing Machines said...

haha wow! That is too too funny!! :) I have a friend who also can't burp! So strange, but funny, and that probably just means you're more polite than most people! :D

Krystal said...

I am also a fellow non burper :) I've had many a lesson..and even was burped once to no avail, haha!! The gurgle or "drain pipes" is better :)

kris2353 said...

Oh my gooddness! I thought me and my lil sis were the only ppl who couldn't burp..... I have found my ppl! :)

Ty and Whitty said...

oh my goodness I also have this same problem. I cant burp. I thought I was the only one. Everyone makes fun of me and don't understand how exciting it is when I do.

Amy Finch said...

Wow. It is wonderful to know that I'm not the only one who refers to it as, "the gurgle." Everyone makes fun of me because I can't burp... though I did once a few months ago and sent out a huge massive text to everyone in my phone just to let them know... AND I made it my Facebook status!

Amy Finch said...

Wow. It is wonderful to know that I'm not the only one who refers to it as, "the gurgle." Everyone makes fun of me because I can't burp... though I did once a few months ago and sent out a huge massive text to everyone in my phone just to let them know... AND I made it my Facebook status!

Miss Emily K. said...

That's so funny Sydney :)

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